Thursday, January 25, 2007

Mick and Katie

My younger siblings and I are not close. Before you take that the wrong way, I don't mean we don't get along. We do. Fabulously. But my brother is 5 years younger, and my sister 6 years younger. When they were born, my mom was a single parent, and I helped take care of "the kids". When spoken to me, and often to others, saying "the kids" didn't included me. I was separate- a child, but the oldest one, the one who helped out.

They, of course, will tell you tales. Tales of me getting them into trouble, tricking them into doing things not allowed, threatening them with dire consequences should they not obey me.

Well, yeah. I was still a kid, and I wasn't perfect. and I was big enough to make them listen.

I have a picture of my brother and me. He is about 5 or so, and I am therefore around 10. We are both sitting on the floor, he in my lap, and I am holding a cloth to his head. We both have sorrowful expressions. It is the Hallmark picture of sisterly love and devotion. What isn't told in the single snapshot is that the reason I am holding a cloth to his head is that I just minutes before beaned him with some toy or other--on purpose. The love is still there, though.

As we grew up, all three of us were totally different people. My brother being the only boy, I didn't really bond with him. I spent my time wishing for an older brother. and my sister....well, she wasn't the type to follow her older sis around and try to be like me. She was her own person through and through and her views of me were more like her views of our mother. Someone who meant well, but didn't, well, didn't really get it, you know?

As we became adults, we got over our squabbles. Mick and Kate got along much better as adults than as teenagers, and I continued my good terms relationships with them.

I got moved out, got married, got divorced, moved back. By the time I moved back, they were on their way out. Then we were all gone, out of our parents' house, on with our lives.

My brother went to war. and for a time, though he was farther away than ever, that connected all three of us. But I was in another town too, so couldn't spend time with Katie. My brother came back, and he was different.

He has always been a fragile kid. The Army "fixed" that. But I think they broke something else. and I think he's having a hard time fixing that part. and I wish we were closer. I wish we were the type of siblings that I could call him up and say "hey little bro, what is going on?!"

and I wish he'd tell me. 'cause I've tried the call. and I've visited him and hung out with him, and I get what we all get. Him grinning his grin, and shrugging his shoulder, and saying it's all good, it's all good.

In the last few days, my mom has been down. She told me it wasn't something she could talk about, that she'd made a promise. Now, I AM close with my mom. And the only two people that she would make that promise to, and keep it even from me are my brother and sister. Katie is planning her wedding, and though that's stressful, she's having a blast. So I know it's Mick. I called him, and he hung up. HE HUNG UP ON ME. I called back, and left a message. I hope he listens to it.

I wish I were closer to both of them. They are my blood, and they have my unconditional love. I hope they both know that, deep down in their bones. There aren't too many people in this world I'd kill for. Mick and Kate hold unmoving spots on that list.

Hey bro. what's going on? Let me know if I can do anything, okay? ya baby bro.

1 comment:

mom said...

How horrible, to have him do that......I am sure he thinks I told you. AARRGGHH But that is just bizarre.
I'm sorry. I love you, it will sort itself out, I promise.