Saturday, September 11, 2010

Been awhile...

and the tone might change a bit. Right now I'm sitting here while Mike and the kids are over having dinner with friends. I'm going out tonight to help other friends celebrate. I'm not really feeling like celebrating right now.
While I know this is my decision, and I feel it's the right one, and most days I really am okay, tonight I am not. I am worried about finding a job, going to school, finishing my homework this weekend, getting my car fixed...and on and on and on.
Right when I am fitting in, as the mom in a family, knowing other families, ones that include a husband, wife, kids....I go and become single again. I don't think I know any other single women, moms or not. The few unmarried ones have boyfriends...well, the one unmarried one. What'll I do with my free time on weeks I don't have the kids? I see a lot of movies in my future.
Hearing Mike talk about the things he's starting to look forward to solidify my decision, and my feeling that both of us will find bigger happiness apart than together becomes more concrete. I worry so much about how Kaia will react, but I know I need to show my kids that following what's in your heart is the only way to find happiness in this world. Mistakes will be made, and money might not always follow, but if you're following your dreams, you can't go wrong.

I must be true to myself in order to be true to those I love.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

in the car, yesterday

Kaia: "When I grow up, I'm going to pretend to be a boy."
Me: "interesting."
Kaia: "But I won't tell my wife. I won't ever show her my know...that way she'll never know I'm not a boy."
Me: "ummm...huh..."
Kaia: "then when she dies, I'll be a girl again."
Me: ".............."

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Little Man

Ben's cognitive abilities are crazy growing! For the last couple of nights, we've done "best part of the day" at dinner. Here are the things he said:

Last night--

me: "Ben, what was the best part of your day? Something good that happened today?"
Ben: "Armwarmers!" His granny had knitted him some armwarmers, and he had worn them most of the day. I thought it was very cool that he understood the conversation and the point of the topic!


me: "Ben, what was the best part of today for you? What happened that was fun? "
Ben: "Going Katie" We went over to a friend's house, her daughter is also 2, and is named Katie. he loves playing with her!

Monday, January 04, 2010

this is why I am heading to the asylum when Mike gets home

here is the completely un-exaggerated conversation that happens whenever Kaia is supposed to be doing a chore--and this is the very short, simple one of putting clothes from the washer into the dryer.....

me: "Are your clothes ready to be put into the dryer?"
her: "I don't know." (continues playing)
me: "Check, please."
her: SIGH. wanders toward the garage. gets distracted, starts playing.
me: "clothes, Kaia."
her: "I am!" opens garage door, heads out.
five minutes later...
her: coming out of garage singing to herself. wanders around.
me: "were they ready to be put into the dryer?"
her: "oh! I don't know..." wanders back into the garage.
five minutes later...
her: coming out of garage "I don't know where a laundry basket is"
me: in my room, dump the dirty clothes in front of the washer and use it for the clean ones"
her: dragging the hamper through the living room, gets distracted showing Ben how to take care of his baby.
me: "clothes, Kaia!"
her: "Ben doesn't know how to take care of his baby! I care about babies, don't you!?!!?"
me: " not pretend ones when you are supposed to be doing chores."
her: "MOM!! that's horrible that you don't care about babies!!!"
her: "OKAY!" drags hamper into garage
TEN minutes later, comes out of garage
me: "where are the clean ones from the dryer?"
her: "oh, right...." wanders back into garage, comes out dragging a hamper with clean clothes. I hear no dryer sounds.
me: "did you start the dryer?"
her: "no, I haven't put my clothes in yet!"
me: " leave that here, go do so."
her: "okay" wanders back into garage.
a LONG TIME later...she comes back out
her: "can you help me? It's hard."
me: "no, you can do it. NOW GO DO SO!!"
her: "I have a stomach ache"
me: "I'm sorry to hear that. After you put your clothes into the dryer, you can rest."
her: moaning as she goes back in..."you don't even care that I'm sick!"
A VERY LONG TIME later...she comes back out.
her: "THERE. I'm DONE."
me: "remember to take this hamper into my room, please"
me: "just do it"

she takes the hamper in, limping and moaning. coming back out...

her: "am I done now?"
me: "yes, finally"
here: "BEN!! let's play now!!" and runs off.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

A Couple Ben-isms (or, As Close to Hard Copy As I'm Realistically Getting, Mom)

Instead of "Mamma mia! Here I go again!" Ben sings "Mamma mia, here you come again!!"

Instead of "I want up", he says "Can I have a uppie?"

Friday, October 30, 2009

My Day So Far

7am: silent argument with husband about who gets up with Ben. We both lost.

7:15am: all 3 kids are up (we are watching an adorable and well-behaved 2 year old girl) and wanting breakfast. dogs too.

9am: husband is dressed in Halloween best and leaves for work.

9:30am: all 3 kids are changed, dressed and ready to go start errands. Kaia argues over necessity of wearing a coat. Kaia asks to wear bathrobe instead of a coat. due to bad attitude, she is denied.

9:40am: in the car, I explain The Plan: bank, haircut, groceries. I notice the tank is on empty. New Plan: bank, gas, haircut, groceries.

9:45am: bank trip goes well.

9:50am: at gas station, notice the tank key is missing. drive home, notice extra is missing. call husband, find out he has the extra (and no idea where the first one is, claims innocence).

10am: On E, drive to husband's work, pick up key, return to gas station, fill up.

10:15am: on the way to the haircut, Kaia has second thoughts. claims to no longer want haircut or costume choice. discussion concludes with a return to The Plan. continue on to hair salon.

10:25am: at hair salon, Kaia frowns at me worriedly during her shampoo, and stares suspiciously at the woman cutting her hair. Darling Girl that I am watching sits quietly and plays with the toys. Boyo transforms into a tornado and begins to make multiple attempts at escape.

10:30am: I catch boyo as he races past. He falls to the ground then yells "DON'T THROW ME!" this is then repeated every time I catch him. After the first few times of saying" I am NOT throwing you! YOU FELL ON PURPOSE" I figure it's useless and just stay silent.

10:45am: Kaia's cut is done, she looks adorable. She glowers at me as I pay, seeming to have totally forgotten this was HER idea and she was in no way forced to get her hair cut.

10:50am: in the car, Kaia bursts into tears after realizing that her hair will remain short even AFTER Halloween. I had not considered that this was a necessary fact to state. I was wrong.

11am: I decide NOT to go to the store, as toddlers and child are hungry and tired. I make an executive decision and stop at Taco Bell. Kaia decides she no longer wants her usual, and takes forever to decide what to try. finally at the threat of nothing she orders nachos.

11:05am: on the way home, we spot a Pomeranian loose in the street. Kaia becomes extremely upset thinking about its possible fate, and I pull into a safe spot and get out. Pomeranian looks at me and takes off in the opposite direction.

11:06am: daughter is in tears about the damn dog's Certain Death by Car, so I grab a piece of Taco Bell food and head off after it, calling "here Pommy Pommy!" it stops until I am a few feet from it, then trots off. I look back at Kaia's tear filled face and know I must follow the darn thing. I do, for another block.

11:07am: a cop passes by, then turns around. He parks in the middle of the road and attempts to capture the Dog Twit. he fails, and turns to me. I assure him of my non-ownership, therefore letting him know it was NOT ME who has a loose dog, and we continue to chase the moronic beast. The dog and the cop disappear around the corner.

11:08am: not wanting to lose sight of the car, I turn back, and realize I've gone 4 blocks. CRAP. I start to run, but not being in any shape at all, stop after half a block so I can breathe instead.

11:09am: cop pulls up beside me, tells me the dog ran back into its house through an open door, and he has ascertained its right to be there. He thanks me for my help and drives away.

11:10am: in the car, Kaia cries while relating "what COULD have happened" and I try to console her and remind her of what DID happen--the dog was returned safely home.

11:15am: we return home and I dole out the food. Darling Girl that I am watching decides Taco Bell is not for her. Kaia decides the nachos are too hot, so eats Darling Girl's food. Ben is happy with whatever.

11:20am: after much discussion, mac and cheese are decided upon for Darling Girl. Ben wants some too.

11:40am: I take Ben and put him down for his nap, read him a story and return to kitchen. I send Kaia and Darling Girl to the bedroom for some quiet time.

11:45am: I get a call from Darling Girl's mom. She has missed her flight by 20 seconds and is totally stressing out. I reassure her another night is fine.

11:50am: I spend about 10 minutes in my room, relaxing and getting some stuff done (meaning: I read email and veg out!)

12:00pm: I return to kitchen to discover Ben has dragged a chair out, gotten some sunscreen and is decorating the chair and floor liberally. I clean him up, send him back to bed, and clean up the chair, floor, etc.

12:02pm: I send Ben back to bed.

12:05pm: I send Ben back to bed.

12:06pm: I spend 15 minutes holding Ben's door closed. He tries to get out 3 times.

12:20pm: I put a gate in his doorway and check on Kaia and Darling Girl. They are fine, and working on making an art project.

12:50pm: I get a cat visiting job. :-)

1:40pm: Ben wakes up WAY too early and joins the girls in front of Kipper.

1:45pm: Ben asks for more crackers. I ask Kaia to please get him some. She claims to "not be in the mood". I inform her this is not optional. Ben cries. I intervene.

here is the plan for the rest of the day. guesses on how smoothly it will go?

2pm: attempt to put Darling Girl down for a nap.

3:30m-get Halloween costumes on 3 children, and possibly self.

4:00pm-meet Mike at his work and walk kids around as they get candy.

5 or so-return home, attempt to make some sort of dinner.

5:30pm- Kaia and I are going to a corn maze and hoping to actually find her friends BEFORE entering it.

later- finally go grocery shopping.

even later--SLEEP! (after probably the consuming of alcoholic beverages)

Friday, September 04, 2009

It's Good

Please excuse the possible meandering that may follow...

When we moved here, I knew no one local. I had a few friends and relatives in nearby towns, but no one HERE. I was extremely lonely, and missed having the kind of friend you can invite over just to hang out.

So I joined a mom's group on (highly recommend it!). The first group I joined started well, and I met some women I felt I would like to get to know. I also met a few women at Kaia's school that I really liked.

Some of those friendships worked, some didn't. I found that though I might really like someone, we just might not click, sometimes on my end, sometimes on hers (seemed for a bit to mostly lean the second way) Being a sensitive person emotionally (don't laugh! I am! :-)), I took it personally when someone didn't seem to want to get to know me better.

I had two main wishes. To find some couple friends with kids that we ALL enjoyed hanging out with, and to find some really wonderful women, just a few, that I really felt comfortable with and laughed with.

I have a hard time sometimes focusing on the positive. We met some really nice couples, and happily the women in those couples were awesome. We met some with kids our kids' ages, and some with kids older or younger. (we don't really hang out in circles with kid-less people, which is fine.) For awhile, I kept thinking how I really missed good friends, and still felt that the friends we had weren't our BEST friends. I kept wanting that perfect person who would be my best friend here.

In the last few weeks, we've met even more families that we really click with. We've decided to make an effort to invite someone over for dinner every weekend. The weekends we don't, or even the ones we do, but on other nights, we go to friends' for dinner. I've realized that EVERY weekend we have one OR MORE social things planned.

Even more surprisingly, I've realized I have been more picky with who I choose for friends now. I simply don't HAVE TIME for a lot more. I have found a few women I adore, and feel really comfortable with. Mike gets along really well with them, and more importantly, their husbands. Our kids get along, and their kids aren't brats. We have to actually DISCUSS who we should invite over this weekend for dinner, and often have to decline invites because we are already booked!

We have become SOCIAL. We have made FRIENDS. I am a bit taken by surprise that my goals have been more than reached. I am really happy in our social life, and so lucky in the friends I have found. I can let the hurts go for the ones that don't want to get closer, because really? I don't need them. It's a good feeling.

I am happy. truly content with my life here, and it's only getting better.