feel free to skip this post. it's not fun or interesting.

Hi. So you know how people "live blog" where they blog while watching some show or something else? Well, this is the MUCH LESS interesting version where you keep me company while I listen to my son try to go to the sleep for the first time on his own.

It is now 8:57. He's been in there for about 5 minutes, and fussing for about 3. He's not screaming, but is definitely NOT happy. I went in a minute ago and made sure his feet weren't caught in the crib bars or anything. He was still laying down, which is good. He can't stand, of course, but he can get up on all fours and rock back and forth.

8:58. His crying is getting a bit more desperate. where is my mother?! he is saying. she's always been here when I cry like this BEFORE!

8:59 there was a moment of quiet, as if he were listening for me. He's back to crying. oh...quiet again...and back to crying. He does this growling thing when he's mad.....it'd be funny if it weren't so...not.

9:00 there's still not actual screaming. There are pauses in the crying, which is good. I think I will make sure he's not stuck.

....

9:01 He was not stuck. I laid him back down and patted his back. I think it pissed him off more. He's getting a little more upset. Should I just get him?!!?? I wish motherhood came with a manual. A real one, not written by humans, but one that magically appeared with each child born, geared especially for that baby.

9:03 Still very mad. I think I will check some websites...not baby related ones, just ones to distract me.

9:04 he quieted for a second, then got back to yelling...but it encourages me..a bit...

9:06 he is going from very mad to quiet whimpers....I feel like the worst mom ever. going to go pat him again. wait...he quieted...damn! I don't know if it's best to go in and pat him or just let him be!

9:09 well, the crying isn't getting worse that's a good thing, right?!?! I need some chocolate or something....

9:11 no change.

9:12 it isn't helping that there is a big truck outside beeping quite loudly. if I give up now, it'll be worse next time, right?!?

9:13 maybe there shouldn't be a next time. maybe I should just permanently attach him to me via baby carrier and join the whole attachment parenting movement. my back would kill me, but he wouldn't be crying!!!

9:15 mom called. but has something serious to discuss. boyo is starting to maybe calm down.

9:19 SILENCE!!! YAY!!!!! WHEW.

9:20 DAMN. crying again. wait...no...silence. *bated breath*

9:22 just peeked in. he's sleeping!!!!!

huge sigh of relief.