My Dilemma

We finally got the crib put up. We weren't sure we would be able to, because the company doesn't make the hardware anymore, and the original stuff was lost. So last night was the first night it was up.

I lay in bed cuddling my sleeping baby and stared at the empty crib. There are no blankets, no bumpers, no toys, as per safety standards. It looks scary. I wouldn't want to sleep there. I can't help but think that it's unnatural for us to try to make our babies sleep all by themselves in a cage. Anyway, he still wakes up several times a night to eat, so really, it's more of a hassle for me to get up to get him and put him back over and over, right? I hug him tighter. He is so sweet, snuggling close to me, secure in the knowledge that when he wakes up, I will be there, with comfort and sustenance.

I decide to try it. There's no need to abandon him there, but I'll see how long he'll stay asleep. I get up, and gently lay him down. He's mostly covered, but his head touches the cold sheets and he tries to wiggle away from them. I slowly pull my hands out from under him. He startles, throwing his arms out. Unlike usual, they touch nothing, and he starts flailing them around in his sleep, trying to find me, or anything. He doesn't, and starts whimpering. I pat his belly, which sometimes calms him. It doesn't. He opens his eyes, and looks around wildly, wondering where the hell he is. I give up, and pick him up. We get back into bed, and he immediately falls asleep, quiet and content. Here he stays for the rest of the night.

This will be hard. This morning I put him back in while I folded laundry in my room. He was pretty happy in there, and I got him out before he starting fussing. Maybe he'll learn that his crib isn't a bad place. Though I don't really see how it isn't. Which is probably the wrong attitude to take. But really, where would you rather sleep!?!

Here.....

Or here.....

Me too.

Before I get a bunch of comments about attachment parenting, and why I am trying to get him in a crib if I obviously want him in our bed, here is why:

Our bed really isn't big enough for all three of us. My husband is constantly almost falling out, and Ben is only getting bigger.

I'd like to cuddle with my husband again sometime this year. He'd like that too.

I do think it's important for him to learn to sleep alone. I think he needs to know that he'll still be safe even if I'm not there while he's sleeping.

I'd like to be able to let our daughter occasionally crawl in with us in the mornings. A bed not big enough for three certainly isn't big enough for four.

We need to start lessening the times he wakes up to eat at night, and I think after he gets used to his crib, he won't wake up as often, since we won't be moving around and jostling him.

And by the way, I am not planning, at this time, to have him cry it out. I did that with Kaia, it worked well with her, and I don't think it's wrong, but I don't think it's right for him at this time.