Sunday, February 11, 2007

Bittersweet moment

Kaia asked to sleep with us tonight. She's getting too big to sleep with us all night very often. Those of you with kids will understand when I say how strange it is how much SPACE on a bed a child takes up!

I agreed she could sleep with me until Mike came to bed. She snuggled in and held my thumbs, something we've done since she was very small, and it was the only way I could make her stay still long enough to go to sleep. Her hands have grown so much in the last few years. Soon she won't be able to hold just my thumbs.

I've always liked having her sleep with us. In sleep, she is so innocent, so snuggly. I've made sure she is able to sleep on her own, but those times that she climbs into bed and cuddles up are in my list of favorite moments.

Tonight, I smiled while hugging her close, thinking of how our family is going to grow.

Then I stop smiling. Because a baby in the bed will mean an end, at night at least, of a Kaia in the bed. This is so sad.

It will be the end of an era. The era of Only-Childness for Kaia. She has been looking forward to a baby sister or brother for literally YEARS. For a five year old, that is a LONG time. I remember when one of the kids in her preschool had a small baby sister or brother on the way. For weeks, Kaia would come home and glare at my belly. "Do you have a baby in your tummy YET!?" she would demand of me, anxious I get started on this wonderful thing called a baby. "No," I would tell her, grinning happily at her enthusiasm.

We will tell her tomorrow. and she will be thrilled. She will dream of all the fun things she can do with her baby sister or brother. She has already happily set aside toys and clothes for the future baby. She learns new skills, only to proudly declare that now she can "zip up my baby's coat for her!"

She has no idea that there will be days she will hate having another child in the house. another small person that her parents love as much as they love her.

I never wanted to have an only child. I think brothers and sisters are one of this world's not-to-be-missed joys. I wouldn't give mine up for all the emeralds in the world.

I hope she continues to feel the same. 6 years apart....they won't be close friends. They won't go through any school together. But I hope they find that bond, between siblings.

Holy shit. I'm gonna have two kids. My sister has a 12-year old step-son. My brother is about to be a daddy.

When did I become an adult? When did they?

This is turning out to be a WONDERFUL year.

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