the food of the Gods.....

my wonderful wonderful husband is out getting me chicken noodle soup. the first thing in weeks that has actually SOUNDED good, not just been forced down...though the potatoes last night and the jambalaya at Dana's also went down well.....

mmmmm....chicken noodle soup. I hope he hurries. damn, he just came back before leaving. he forgot his phone. hurry, man HURRY! chicken noodle soup! the double noodle stuff if possible, though I'm not sure if they make it anymore....

the Sweet Side of five years old.

I love my daughter. Today, as I sat in front of the toilet, hoping my cheese and crackers from a hour before stayed where they were, in my stomach, my daughter came into the room.

"are you all right, mom? what's wrong?"

I explained about pregnancy and nausea, and assured her I was fine. I rubbed my eyes.

"oh mom! don't do that! let me for you!" she said, then proceeded to poke and prod at my eyes lovingly.

"thank you dear, that's fine" I said. and tried hard not to rub them again myself.

There was a moment of silence. then-

"let me get you my stool, mom. here, sit on it"

she carried her bathroom step stool to the front of the toilet, then tried to lift me up onto it. I helped, and gave her a big hug.

"what a wonderfully helpful daughter you are. thanks, dear one"

"you're welcome, mom. I love you"

"oh, darlin' one, I love you too."

we have attachment!

Heart beat! I saw my baby's heart beat! it's only .81 cm long (the baby, not the heart). I can take baths again too, something that is exciting, though obviously not equal to the news my baby is growing...

new due date: October 13th.

sigh.....

I'm about to leave for an ultrasound. I'm not really worried, but it will be nice to see the little heart beat.

Lots going on in my family....my brother is going through a crisis sort of thing. And while he is mostly at fault, it is a situation that is cloudy. Also, I have no room for judgment, since I have been in a very similar situation. I just hope that the people involved will be able to work through it, and come out not too damaged. Please send them happy, healing vibes.

I'm constantly nauseous. Not enough to throw up yet, but the never ending nasty feeling is a bit tiring....not to mention I'm just tired anyway. and no bath yet!!

okay, that was enough bitching. Life is pretty good right now, on the right path and all that. Kaia's ballet recital is tonight, she's excited about that. I'm excited to see HER, but not looking forward to another 2 hours of OTHER peoples' kids dancing....luckily, I'll have Mike and Andrea there to keep me company!

not posting as much....just not enough to talk about, and feeling rather apathetic....it will pass, and I will be back!

no title

okay, okay. so I've been lazy and not posted. It's been a combination of being tired, and having my mom here that's caused it. We had a WONDERFUL visit. Went up to Andrea's on Saturday, and Kaia got to ride, something she always loves. Andrea seemed really happy, my mom said she's never seen Andrea so bright eyed and smiley!

Then we met Dana for dinner at a Mexican restaurant. We got to meet her youngest son, the one we hadn't met yet. I've met all her kids now, and they are all just wonderful. SMART kids, my gosh. T tried to sit on a pile of to-go boxes, I can see how tempting they would have looked to him! It was quite cute. Kaia still hasn't met her youngest, who turns 1 tomorrow! Happy Birthday, L!

Yesterday, we went SHOPPING. my gosh. we scored at Goodwill, then went on the wal-mart and shopko. got lots of fun baby stuff, and maternity stuff. I found a cool cart type thing that is meant to be a kitchen cart with wire baskets, but will be perfect for the baby dresser for the two months before we move.

Mom is convinced both Vanae and I will have boys...we will see.

My mom left this afternoon, rained like crazy on the way back! got home fine though. Kaia is eating some valentines treats before getting ready for bed. I swear, there are too many holidays with candy! I feel like she is always bringing home a bag from school...Halloween, Christmas, valentines, Easter! sheesh... I told her today that pop eats bones. she was duly awed. Seems evil, I know. I won't apologize!

This pregnancy seems to be swallowing my brain cells whole, and spitting them out drained of all life. just warning you.

oh! speaking of, it's going well! I have another ultrasound on Thursday, but I definitely FEEL pregnant, and the bleeding has stopped. now if I can just get permission to take a bath, I might get warm for the first time in days.....

hope ya'all have a good week!

looking up...they think

The hcg level is rising, but not as fast as is expected. However, it isn't rising as slowly as the Doctor has seen in pregnancies that don't work. So once again, we are waiting.....but he was positive, said it looked on the good side. I have to have another ultrasound next week, and if we can see a heartbeat it'll look even better.

I am staying positive, but it's hard not knowing. I really don't deal well with ambiguity. Tell me bad news, and I will deal with it. Tell me good news, and I will celebrate. But this "could be this, could be that" crap is annoying.

and yes, as Andrea pointed out, I would rather be in this state than know for sure it's a miscarriage.

So keep your fingers crossed. this baby is going to be a handful, I can tell! it's already enjoying giving it's mama mini-heart attacks! can't wait to meet it....and raising this kid should be an adventure!

Vaginal Rest

Had a scare today. Well, it's not really over, and possibly might not be for weeks. I started bleeding while at work. Not extremely heavily, but not just spotting. I went in to the ER, and they did another ultrasound. I have a picture of the gestational sac! Anyway, it's trying to implant, so the bleeding may just be from that. I have a 50% chance of having a miscarriage. Either it implants, or it doesn't.

I am staying positive, but am trying to do what I can to help it stay where it is. The doctor said nothing I do will make a difference, but I bleed less when I lay down. It seems like it would help if I don't add gravity to the mix, so I asked if I could have tomorrow off. I'm hoping that resting all day will encourage Baby to stay where she/he is.

Don't follow the light, Baby! Implant yourself! Snuggle in, make your small self comfortable...stay awhile....like, 9 months.

p.s. "on vaginal rest" is the actual order the doctor gave me. He also said "no fooling around down there, or inserting things." Aye Aye, sir.

Think she's excited?

Interaction with Kaia

How do you marry two boys at once?

You can't.

Can you marry one, then the other one afterwards?

Only if you divorce the first one.

What's divorce mean?

That you aren't married anymore.

Okay. I think I will marry Curtis first, then divorce him and marry Scott. Then stay married to Scott.

Alrighty.

Bittersweet moment

Kaia asked to sleep with us tonight. She's getting too big to sleep with us all night very often. Those of you with kids will understand when I say how strange it is how much SPACE on a bed a child takes up!

I agreed she could sleep with me until Mike came to bed. She snuggled in and held my thumbs, something we've done since she was very small, and it was the only way I could make her stay still long enough to go to sleep. Her hands have grown so much in the last few years. Soon she won't be able to hold just my thumbs.

I've always liked having her sleep with us. In sleep, she is so innocent, so snuggly. I've made sure she is able to sleep on her own, but those times that she climbs into bed and cuddles up are in my list of favorite moments.

Tonight, I smiled while hugging her close, thinking of how our family is going to grow.

Then I stop smiling. Because a baby in the bed will mean an end, at night at least, of a Kaia in the bed. This is so sad.

It will be the end of an era. The era of Only-Childness for Kaia. She has been looking forward to a baby sister or brother for literally YEARS. For a five year old, that is a LONG time. I remember when one of the kids in her preschool had a small baby sister or brother on the way. For weeks, Kaia would come home and glare at my belly. "Do you have a baby in your tummy YET!?" she would demand of me, anxious I get started on this wonderful thing called a baby. "No," I would tell her, grinning happily at her enthusiasm.

We will tell her tomorrow. and she will be thrilled. She will dream of all the fun things she can do with her baby sister or brother. She has already happily set aside toys and clothes for the future baby. She learns new skills, only to proudly declare that now she can "zip up my baby's coat for her!"

She has no idea that there will be days she will hate having another child in the house. another small person that her parents love as much as they love her.

I never wanted to have an only child. I think brothers and sisters are one of this world's not-to-be-missed joys. I wouldn't give mine up for all the emeralds in the world.

I hope she continues to feel the same. 6 years apart....they won't be close friends. They won't go through any school together. But I hope they find that bond, between siblings.

Holy shit. I'm gonna have two kids. My sister has a 12-year old step-son. My brother is about to be a daddy.

When did I become an adult? When did they?

This is turning out to be a WONDERFUL year.

let the ride begin....

I'm pregnant! I had some abdominal pain Thursday night, and called my clinic for advice. The doctor on call wanted me to take a pregnancy test to rule out an ectopic pregnancy. (a tubal pregnancy). I took a test, and it came out positive, so I went into the ER. The tests were all inconclusive either way, so they kept me overnight. In the morning, they were STILL inconclusive, though the doctor was fairly sure it was not a tubal, since I had no more pain. However, they kept me all day Friday just to be sure. Some of the hormone levels were not rising as fast as expected for a normal pregnancy, so I had to go back in today for more blood work. The results just came back, and everything looks great!!!

My doctor hasn't given me a due date, but according to the Internet (lol), my due date is October 17th.

We haven't told Kaia yet. We're going to buy her a "I'm a Big Sister" T-shirt and let her read it to find out.

Though this was a bit earlier than we had anticipated for another child, we're really excited! We'll keep ya'll updated as the months go on.....



This part really should be it's own post, but gonna add it here.


Andrea came Thursday night to be with me in the hospital. She stayed with me all night, and all day the next day. I wasn't released until around 9 pm on Friday night. She was with me the whole time. I would have been climbing the walls without her, since most of my time there was waiting, waiting, and more waiting.

Thank you, Andrea, for being there. It meant SO MUCH to me.

just send good vibes my way, k?

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stay tuned.......
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coffee is good in the morning...or anytime, really.

It's early. I haven't been getting Mike up to exercise, he's been working so hard. His interview for an internship with MS is next Friday. and he has so much homework! I cannot wait for the days we can go to bed at the same time!

I've been keeping up with the 7 o'clock wake up time, but not so much the 6. However, I have been waking up before my alarm clock goes off! My body is adjusting quite nicely.

I need to do taxes, we could really use the return. Having that little extra after financial aid was so nice! I can't wait until we can live like that all the time! I don't need to be rich, but having enough to spend when I want to will be nice. Shearing day will help, should make at least $100. grocery money! yay! :-)

Not much to say today. everything is flowing along.

Dana brought me coffee day before yesterday at work as a surprise. It was so sweet, and I hadn't had any coffee that morning, either, so was being so good at not buying any! She even remembered what I drink!

She and I are doing some online scrapbooking classes the last weekend in February! She's really good at scrapbooking, very talented. Hopefully some will rub off on me. I am getting the scrapbooking bug again....organized my bin last night. Next time my mom and dad drive up, I need to remind them to bring the paper Tania got me for Christmas. every color in the rainbow, 500 sheets! I can't wait to have it up here!


everything I think of to write is pretty mundane. I think I'll sign off for now....

oh! Jason is back! I can't wait to hear all about his trip! Welcome back Jason! back is relative, of course...considering he's back in Kuwait....

YONINDID is my favorite...

Kaia had a "spelling test" today. It was really a test of how well they sounded out words, not if they got them right. Here's Kaia's.......


MONSTR- monster
YONINDID- united
Dres- dress
BOTem- bottom
HIC-hike
eGL- eagle
CLOsb- closed
BMT- bumped
TiP- type
See- see

HemeN--?? She can't remember. Any ideas?

A little bit of design in an otherwise un-organized house

I like the top of my stove. a bit silly, yes, but a small step in the direction of having a house that doesn't look like it's been decorated by ......going blank...umm...decorated by someone who....doesn't know how to decorate? doesn't have the space or money to decorate? or have a house "style" if that makes sense? anyway....I like it. The mortar and pestle is actaully used, yes. The red tea is called "Tea for the Queen of Hearts" and has REAL rose buds in it. The salt and pepper shakers are one of my favorite things, funnily enough, and the chopsticks are from my Aunt Carol, who brought them from China! The Ulu is from our Alaskan cruise.

this and that

Kai is standing in the corner. For the second time in two minutes. I swear, you wanna make those people who kidnap people and then hold them hostage give up? Put a couple of whiny 5 year olds in front. Amplify them. I give the kidnappers 5 minutes. Maybe. Then they'll be coming out with their hands up, begging to be taken somewhere that is child-free.

anyway. It's a quiet day today. There were a couple possibilities in the air, but we are just staying home today. Might be a good idea, since the next two weekends are full.

Next weekend I'm helping to skirt fleeces again, for two days this time. Skirting fleeces is this: you stand around a table type thing, and someone (last year it was me, was quite fun!) brings the freshly taken-off-the-sheep fleece and flings it expertly (unless you are me, though I became fairly good at it after a few hours) flat on the table. Then everyone starts taking bits of VM (doesn't that sound nasty? it actually means vegetable matter) and poopy bits off the fleece. The "skirting" comes from how you take off the bits around the edges of the fleece, I think. It's hard work, even though you are just standing there. Also, it's COLD, and though you can wear gloves, the wool sticks to the gloves, so I decided it was easier to go bare handed. The lanolin makes your hands all greasy and warm. We start early, 6:45, so I'll be spending both Friday and Saturday nights at Andrea's. Last year, we did 90 sheep, I think....and it took 12 hours. This year, there are many more sheep, not sure, but I think like 160? Andrea? So we'll most likely be doing it for two days. Sore muscles, here we come. It's good though. afterward, you really feel like you've accomplished something, done something useful.

The weekend after, my mom is coming for a visit. Kaia is uber-excited, and I always love her visits. She and I are really close, and we have a blast. This time, we get to talk about the soon to come addition to our family! and maybe do a bit of baby stuff shopping!!! yes, it's early, but hey, it's FUN.

Dana had invited Kaia and I out to her place today, but the snow fall last night put the kaput on that idea. It would have been a lot of fun, and I am really excited about getting to know her better.

Then I was thinking about going with Andrea and John up to Spokane, where John will be watching the Super Bowl. (quick side story. John called yesterday to see if Mike wanted to go. He said "I'm assuming you want to watch the game." Mike said "what game?" He actually does enjoy watching football, he's just not that into it otherwise) I decided that I wanted to just have a quiet time here, though. Will put away some laundry later, and maybe work on organizing my scrap booking bin.

Kaia is watching Mary Poppins. I haven't ever really liked it, for one reason. When the children talk about how they went into the chalk drawing, and rode horses, Mary Poppins actually gets mad at them for making stuff up. Seems wrong. Also, the little boy has a rotten tooth, which bugs me. I do like the chimney sweep dance and song though.

I took a picture of my stove top today. Seems silly, but I like how I have it set up. Will post it later.

So many things changing lately. Became friends with Jason (he comes back today! yay! can talk to him online again!), met Dana, and we seem to be soul sisters, and a new baby niece or nephew on the way. Andrea picked her career, being a farrier, which she will excel at, I know. Mike will be graduating in less than a year. We'll be moving soon after. Then even more huge changes! I won't be working, will be hopefully raising another baby and going to school. Mike will be working, doing what he loves- software development.

Life is good. I am so very lucky in so many ways. Thank you, universe. I am happy.

I am content.

NEWS!!!! BIG, HAPPY NEWS!!!

MY BROTHER IS PREGNANT!!!!!

wait...that's not right...back up...

MY BROTHER'S GIRLFRIEND IS PREGNANT!!!!!

Vanae is due September 4th.

I'm gonna be an aunt again!!!! I cannot wait!! Kaia is thrilled about having another cousin, especially one a bit closer. and my baby brother is gonna be a daddy. Holy shit.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

too, too, cool.

Taken from Dana's blog, cause I like it

[A is for age]:29

[B is for beer of choice]:Don't like beer!

[C is for career]:future career: ultrasound tech. current job: cell sales

[D is for favorite Drink]:Alcoholic? or no? For alcoholic, you should know by now, if you are a regular reader. For not alcoholic, coffee...or tea...

[E is for Essential item you use everyday]:water

[F is for Favorite song at the moment]:I never really have a favorite song. I did just change the default ring tone on my phone to Street Corner Symphony by Rob Thomas.

[G is for favorite Game]:haven't played any for awhile...and brain is blank about ones I've played...

[H is for Home town]:Vancouver, Wa, though I wasn't born there.

[I is for Instruments you play]:None, unfortunately. I wish I'd learned one...

[J is for favorite Juice]:cranberry!

[K is for Kids]:Kaia, 5. and one more on the way someday.

[L is for last kiss]:as in who? or where? or how? umm...Mike, lips (in the living room!), in retrospect, how is fairly obvious.

[M is for marriage]:All for it! I will grow old with Mike, there's no doubt in my mind.

[N is for full Name]:Nope. Della Sarah is all you're getting here.

[O is for Overnight hospital stays]:When I was born....During both my abdominal surgeries (6 days each one), and for the birth of my daughter.

[P is for phobias]:Something happening to my child, being pinned down.

[Q is for quote]:"Barn's burnt down. Now I can see the moon."

[R is for biggest Regret]:The way in which I left my first husband. Dating Elijah. oh that's two.....oh well.

[S is for sports]:no thanks. Will be working out when I move....and getting back into karate of some sort....

[T is for Time you wake up]:New goal is 6 am. later on weekends.

[U is for color underwear]:invisible.

[V is for Vegetable you love]:fresh peas. off the vine. mmmm....

[W is for Worst Habit]:not sure. I have no doubt my friends and family could give you a list!

[X is for X-rays you've had]:all of them? ummm...every time I start a new chiropractor....for my wrist when it hurt....other times for various things....

[Y is for Yummy food you make]:Meals or desserts? I'll go with desserts! Fudge, oatmeal cookies, Kahlua cake.

[Z is for zodiac sign]:Gemini

In Which I Show Myself As Unable To Stick To A Single Subject

There are times I wish I had the writing style and content that would gain me the amount of readers of oh say, Y. (and cause I'm ignorant of HTML, here's the link, not hyperlinked.)

www.joyunexpected.com

oh! hey! it hyperlinked itself! how nice.....thank you!

I have seen as many as 480 comments on a post of hers.

However, I am fully aware that my posts are not usually interesting or intriguing to strangers. and I've decided I'm okay with that. for now, at least! my satisfaction in Myself is good today.

so the post the other day on getting together with Dana was a bit flippy-outy. I think it stemmed from two things. One, I rarely have met someone I seem to get along with SO WELL right away, and two, I'm moving in a year, so it's sad to think I could meet someone I want as a friend so much and then leave in a year.

So I have decided ALL my friends need to just move to Bellevue within the next year or so, including Dana and her family! Doesn't this make sense to you? I think so too.

In all seriousness, though, I am just going to enjoy the next year, for everything it will bring me. More time with Andrea living close, time with Dana and her kids, starting my first garden, and trying for anther baby! and watching Kaia turn SIX. My god, I am the mother of a child who will turn SIX in just a few months. AFTER I turn 30. which actually isn't bothering me much.

It was a good day today. I got up early, made pancakes, bacon, and hot cocoa with Kaia (who lost interest in helping as soon as the hot cocoa was done). Got most of my house straightened up. Then went with Andrea, Katia, and Liam to the Appaloosa Museum. The kids had fun, there was a minimum of unacceptable chaos, and then we stopped by work to visit John, then came back here to banish the kids to the upstairs. That didn't last long.

Kaia is now playing an old version of Zelda. I should figure out din--holy shit! It's 7:42! yes, dinner would be a good idea........

do you know? I do!

well that was a bit frenetic! I think....if frenetic means what I think it means. (you keep saying that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. gold start to whoever can tell me where that's from!)

Waiting for the bacon to be done. I found some at the co-op! Nitrate and Nitrite free! yay! I can eat bacon again! the pancakes are getting cold on the plate.....will check back with ya'all later!

"this is unbloggable!"

Hi Dana!

Dana just left for her hour long drive home. She has a blog, too, but I have to open a MySpace account before I can see it, and it's too late tonight to do that. Also, I promised Kaia I'd get up with her, instead of sleeping in like usual.

We went and saw Because I Said So. Very funny in parts, and made me cry in a couple too, just the kind of movie I like! I recommend it.

Before the movie we went to dinner, and barely ate we were talking so much! We have a lot in common, and enough not in common that it's fascinating hearing about the differences.

It's a little scary, meeting someone and clicking this well. What if it doesn't work?! What if she gets to know me better and decides I'm just too odd? Or crass? or....or....or....you know the saying "if it seems too good to be true...."

There goes my paranoia! Dana's reading this probably thinking, Woman! I wasn't looking for a best friend or anything! CHILL! Or whatever Dana says for Chill. I don't know her well enough to know her usual phrases.

Alright. now that she thinks (has found out? ;-)) that I'm a neurotic freak, I'll sign off. It's late. Gotta get up and make chocolate chip pancakes with my daughter.

Night, All.

It's a happy, great night. and despite the seeming negativity, I'm in a great mood. Life is great. I'm great. (for all those other than Dana, the continued use of "great" is on purpose. and I'm over explaining. or under. or something. my god, girl, GET OFF THE COMPUTER!)

okay, okay.

time to fix some things....

Since I can't try for a baby until June, I thought I'd give myself some goals to reach by then. Most of them are related to babies in that a healthier me means a healthier baby, and a healthier mommy for my kids.

Change sleeping schedule to 9pm-6am. This is directly related to a few more--
Getting up earlier will allow me to eat a healthier breakfast. One that consists of a protein and carbs will be much more conducive to weight gain and an energy filled day. This will also allow me to go work out once we move where there is a fitness center. If I go early in the day, it will leave the rest of my day to other things, and also help with energy.

I need to continue to plan my meals weekly. When I do, it really helps me to serve healthier, less stressful for me meals to my family. It also keeps grocery costs down.

I need to up my water drinking from one bottle to two every day. This will be a bit more expensive, as I drink Aquafina water only. I know, I know....it's snobby of me. But seriously, other water makes me nauseous, then I don't feel good, and I don't drink as much. For a vice, it's not bad. I've been trying to change from coffee to tea, and have done okay, but with the new 6am schedule, I'm going to allow myself one cup of coffee in the morning, then bring tea to work. Also, I want to start drinking tea when I get home, at least a couple of cups.

I think that's enough for now. I am giving myself til June to perfect it. Wish me luck, and remind me now and then, okay? ask for updates.....

Baby Fever

okay, I got it bad. I want another baby. really, really, really bad. In public places, it's difficult for me to refrain from going up to complete strangers and asking if I can play with their babies' toes.

We can start trying in June. Mike graduates in December, and I want to be where we'll be for at least 3 months before I have the baby.

Mike doesn't make it any easier. I told him I wanted another baby. He said "okay."

It's going to be a bit difficult for me to get pregnant again. With Kaia, the first month we tried worked. But later, I had "stuff" happen, and now there is scar tissue covering pertinent parts that are involved in the baby making process. So it might take extra work this time.

I want a baby! Have a mentioned that?!?! Well, I DO. Kaia wants me to have one too! She is looking forward to sisterhood with a passion. I know it won't always be roses, but I am glad she's all for it.


So, if some stranger walks up to you in a public place, and asks to squeeze your baby, don't be alarmed! I won't hurt your sweet one. and I won't run off with your child either. no matter how much I might want to.