Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Starting New

While I was excited to move here at the beginning of the year, there was one dark point. I had never moved anywhere (in my adult life) that I didn't already have a good friend. I hadn't really ever moved far away, except the last time, when we moved to Pullman, and there I had Andrea and John, and I really couldn't ask for better.

But here...here I had a few acquaintances, and a few relatives, both of which I am very happy for. But I missed having a good friend close by, someone to invite over even if my house was a mess, or to ask to babysit my kids while I had a doctor appointment, or to go grocery shopping with. Someone who had a kid or two who got along with my kid or two. Someone whose husband and my husband also like each other. Someone I felt at ease doing dishes in front of, or laundry. Someone whose house I could hang out in while she did dishes...or laundry.

I know it takes awhile to find this. I know I will, years from now, look back on this time and only dimly remember the loneliness. I will have made a few good friends, and my days will be full.

I think I have made the first few steps toward this. I have met a couple women I really like. I like their kids, I like their husbands (and so does Mike!)

I am so impatient. I want to hurry past these times of slight uncertainty. Do they like me too? Do they like my kids? I know they do...but do they like me A LOT?! Do they feel that they could be friends with me ten years from now? Twenty? I want to move into the level of comfortability I have with Kathy and Tania and Andrea. I realize I can't. I realize that takes time. Years.

But darn it. I want it NOW. (why am I so like a child sometimes?!)

and of course, in my duality, I am looking forward to the years of getting to know these women, when I stop to think about it. I look forward to watching their children grow with mine.

When I can remember to slow down, I can enjoy this time in our new friendship.


PlanningQueen said...

Reading your post madae me value even more the friendships that I have. As you said, these will come in time. I hope it happens sooner rather that later for you :) .

bluebeam said...

You have hit the nail on the head, and thank you for the reminder--that even the journey is delicious. Staying in the now certainly allows me to be aware of this magic, and relish it, in all faith that what is developing is...life giving, heart-warming, spirit-enhancing. You are such a gift. Others will recognise this. How could they not? You shine, baby.......

Anonymous said...

weird, I closed that 'bluebeam blog.......not sure why when I typed up 'onebeam' it put 'bluebeam' there, if that blog was shut down. perhpas you can give me a clue? ~mom