Thursday, September 20, 2007

Day of Mixed Feelings

some of the good and some of the bad feelings and thoughts from today.....

good-it's nice to be able to take it easy, and have the excuse to do so.

bad-I've been taking it easy, which means my house is not in a good place...and I didn't have an excuse then.

bad-I was supposed to help out Andrea today so she could work, and wasn't able to.

bad-I was also going to go to the mustang adoption with her tomorrow, which I was really looking forward to, even though I don't own horses, and probably never will. It was going to be so nice to spend a day with her, doing something fun, without kids, before baby comes, before we move. I think this is the most irritating part of this.

good-my mother is coming early, which will be nice for both Kaia and I.

bad-I was very much hoping to have the house nice for her, so she didn't immediately feel the need to straighten it. I did get some things done, but trying not to over do it.

good-I am ready for baby, supplies-wise, even though right now not everything is set up. Even if baby had come last night, the only things that would have had to be done would be that set up, and since I am having a c-section, we'd (meaning everyone but me) would have had a few days to do so.

good-I found out that my secret dread-that if I went into labor before Monday, I'd be forced to try a vaginal birth-is unfounded. Even if I go back into labor, I can still have a c-section. (I know that probably sounds very odd to most people, but having a vaginal birth scares me horribly, whereas a c-section is familiar and I know I will recover just fine.

good-Not having the baby meant that Michael can still go for his interview, which I would have tried to insist he do anyway, but not sure if he'd have listened to me.

and for something neither good nor bad, and sounding completely silly, it's kind of just hitting me that VERY SOON there's going to be a baby in the house, and once again, I am in charge of it's safety and well as Kaia's. Mike mentioned it too, we talked of when we left the hospital with Kaia 6 years ago, and after we were in the car, ready to go, all the hospital staff walked back into the hospital, and we looked at each other like "where are they GOING?!! They are just leaving us with this brand new human?! They are trusting us with her LIFE?!" Seemed insane that they would do that! And here we are again, about to bring life into the world, where we are his only chance of thriving....and HELLO!?! it's been SIX YEARS since we've had a baby! How are we to be trusted?!
But then we grin at each other....and oh, isn't this AWESOME?!! yes, yes, it is.

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