Trying to act like the adult I am.

I cannot wait until next year. Next year, we will be able to go to movies, and buy books and go to our friends' birthday parties. Next year, I will be able to go to the store and not have to think "ok, so I can't spend more than such and such on this week's dinners". Next year, I won't have to look at my fucking checking account balance and see that I have $15 to last us until next Friday, when we have to drive 30 minutes twice each day for the next week plus buy food.

Actually, we have enough food in our pantry for me to make it work. I just feel like feeling sorry for myself for a few minutes, ok? I realize my situation is of my own making, I thought we could go to the movies last weekend, and go out to lunch, and buy the last Harry Potter book. What I had FORGOTTEN was that I had set my back account to automatically send my health insurance payment each month, because since they've re-instated us once, if we are late even ONCE than we no longer have insurance, which ISN'T AN OPTION right now. So I forgot, dumb shit that I am, and on the 25th $360 disapparated (see my attempt at Harry Potter humor there?!) out of my account when I had not expected it, and now we have $15.

The reason I didn't have more in there, and more in savings is that at the beginning of this month, I was thinking we had extra money, because Michael spent so little in California, so paid off all the medical bills from earlier this year that have been threatening to go to collections if I didn't pay the balances. Luckily, insurance paid for a LOT of that, but there was still quite a bit to pay. So of course I was feeling all proud of myself for getting that debt taken care of when I realized that most of that money was supposed to be saved to cover the 2 weeks Mike was not working. Thought I still barely had that under control, just one $25 late fee for late rent (which is bad yes, but not as bad as it could have been...I thought...), when this happened.

Another place I have been spending more money is lunches. I have been trying to eat well, so buying a yogurt and banana and other fruit to eat with any leftovers for lunch. On days that I don't have leftovers, I also buy soup. That's about $5 daily. Gonna have to think up a new strategy. Think maybe baby can get all the nutrients he needs from daily meals of rice? I have a lot of rice.

Okay, so writing all of this, I do realize (and did before) that though it's not that I've been just throwing money away on crap, I can change what I have been doing to save money. I need to use what's in my pantry for dinners and lunches. We need to just not go to the occasional movie, or meal with friends.

Five months. I can do this. I'm fucking 30 years old and I can figure out how to make this work on what we bring home. I am a half way intelligent person who can refrain from spending money when I need to. Cause right now, I am really pissed off at myself.

okay, sorry you had to read all of that. if you even got through it, which I don't think many probably did. I had to write it all out to get it straight in my head. I wish I had this finance thing down already, seems I should at my age. Now that my house stays pretty clean, this is my next goal. Stop being a dumbshit about money, once and for all.