Friday, July 13, 2007

A little less bitching, a lot more talking.

Here are some of the things I am stressing out about right now, hence the bad mood of earlier which has continued through the day:

1. We still don't have a name for the baby. It's really bothering me because I don't even have a few names I like but Mike doesn't that I could try to convince him to use. I have nothing, nada, zilch. Actually, I still like William and Ben. So I do have options I guess. But the meaning of Ben is "son of my right hand" which is boring and a bit gross, if you read it the right (wrong) way. And William has a few good and a few bad associations for me, which I know would all go away if it was my son's name, but it's just not the PERFECT name. With Kaia, we knew it was the perfect name, the only name for our daughter. We both love it and have from the beginning. Naming someone is hard! The name we choose will be part of him FOREVER. sigh.

2. I really want to know where we will be going after Mike graduates. Not having a clear idea of where, or how, we will live a short 6 months from now is not how I like to live. I like to KNOW these sorts of things. It's not at all that I doubt Mike will find a job. He's a good programmer, and a wonderful guy all around. But the WHERE he will find a job needs to become clear soon.

3. Our lack of funds for the 3 months I won't be working. Our original plan was to save our "extra" money while I am pregnant. Please excuse me while I fall over laughing. Ignore the tears. I know I could do a little better with what I spend, but not to the tune of having $6000 by October. And yes, we have a good back up plan, so we won't starve, or get kicked out of our house, but I still wish we had a better financial situation. And I am so tired of hearing myself bitch about that. so I will stop. for now at least.

4. There is no four, really. I just don't want to end on another rant about money. Here are things I am NOT stressed about:

a. My marriage. Every day I think about how lucky I am to be married to the man I am with. Mike is perfect for me, and the only man I'd want to be the father to my children. The way we help to fill the gaps in each other's personalities is awesome. We work together really well, and even when we fight, we have no doubts about our relationship. I love knowing that I will grow old with this man.

b. My house. For once, my house is almost perfectly clean. The time I spent cleaning and clearing while Mike and Kaia were gone was well spent, and we both love coming home to such an improved space. There are still areas that need to be worked on, but it is now a place of comfort and happiness instead of claustrophobia and guilt.

c. My daughter. well, yes, she stresses me out daily. But overall, she's a happy, healthy kid, and that pleases me to no end.

d. My son. It's hard to stress out your mom when you aren't even born yet. He managed it pretty well though during the first few months, but it's all settled down to a routine pregnancy.

I'm sure I could list more in both categories..but I am done typing for now.

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