plans

root beer floats are quite possibly the nectar of the gods. Just my opinion.....

so this weekend will hopefully be quite productive! Kaia's first soccer game in the morning (need to remember to wash her shin guards and shorts), then cleaning! cleaning as I have not been able to do in weeks! then we will meet Dana and her two older ones for some fun times--the kids will do an art project and a pottery place while the moms watch Mark Walberg in a tank top carry around big guns. excellent!

Sunday I will also be cleaning, and starting to plan for our trip on the 7th. I also need to plant my snow peas....

It's SO nice out right now, sunny and warm!......wait..as I wrote that the sun went behind a cloud...but hopefully it will be here to stay for the weekend.

I'm beginning to feel better, though still have to watch what I eat, and can't do dishes without gagging. But really, is that a shame? I'm enjoying that bit, actually. don't tell Mike! ;-)

unbeknownst to her, soccer is NOT her thing....

Kaia had soccer again today. Her first game is Saturday. and here is my dilemma--
She doesn't play. She claims to have a good time, and looks to be having a good time. But she makes no effort to get the ball, keep the ball, or catch a pass. Now, first, I was of the opinion that if she's having fun, it's all good. But in the games, they play 3 on 3. Which means one person is the goalie, and the other two try to make a goal. If she's not playing, how fair is that to her teammate? Not fair at all.
Today, instead of playing, she spent half the time falling over and yelling "I'm dead!" and half the time running back and forth, nowhere near the ball. Once she even ran off the field, and meandered toward the school, until her coach called her back.
I talked to her about participating before class, and she promised that she would. She says she still loves soccer, and doesn't want to stop.
After class, I told her if I don't see her TRYING at the game, we are going to talk about pulling her out. I don't require her to get goals, or be the star player. But I do think she should contribute to her team's effort.
I think her talents lie elsewhere.

(by the way, we didn't go see Cinderella. I felt like crap, and actually ended up throwing up, for the second time this pregnancy)

a small update

Had a wonderful weekend! Saturday, actually, wasn't really....but Sunday was fun. We hung out at Andrea's. Mike and John spent most of the time playing computer games, and Andrea and I sat around. The kids got along well, for the most part, and felt the need to shriek loudly and often. The weather sucked, so we didn't get any time outside.

Taking Kaia to soccer in a bit, then tonight I am taking her on a surprise girls' night out and we are going to see Cinderella, the Musical! at the coliseum. It's really cheap, and she'll have a great time.

I go next week for another ultrasound, but I'm not really worried. my baby is fine, and very picky about what it likes to eat. Mike and I have been discussing names, and we think we have a girl's name picked out, but it doesn't go with the middle names we had...so we will ponder on it a bit.

Gotta go get Kaia...have a good Monday, folks, and an excellent week.

Good friends are hard to come by.....

but I have managed to find some of the best. Two of them, Tania and Kathy, sent me flowers! I have not had flowers sent to me in years...can't remember in fact, the last time. The bouquet is beautiful, with daisies and ...other flowers...that I don't know the names of...but are wonderful.

It's so nice to be reminded that I'm loved. I know it, but the physical reminder that two people cared enough to take the time to send flowers.....I'm gonna start crying again....

It made my day.

thanks, Tania and Kathy. I love you too.

Introducing--The Lightning Bolts!

Today was Kaia's second soccer lesson, and my first time watching. Kaia has been wanting to play soccer for at least the last year and a half, and woke up eagerly this morning. "Soccer today!" she yelled on the way to school.

On the field, she is hesitant. She trips over the ball, and kicks it in arbitrary directions. I flash back to my own school experiences with sports.

I was horrible. I mean I sucked. People groaned when I, the last person to be picked, was forced onto their team. And I dreaded PE with a passion. I hated anything to do with team sports.

Watching Kaia trail behind during Red Light Green Light Dribbling, I cringed. Her back was to me, but I imagined her face, watching the other kids being able to dribble, if inexpertly, faster than she could.

before soccer today, I am helping her change into her shorts and shin guards.

"you excited about soccer today?"

"yeah!! I LOVE soccer! I want to play until I'm a teenager!"

She turns around, after the Red Light game is over. Grinning at me, she yells "hi mom!" She has to be reminded to pay attention to the next task, passing. She doesn't do well in this either. I feel badly for her, not because I need her to exceed, but because I want her to feel good about how she's doing. I worry she's losing self esteem. But again, she looks over at me, while chasing the ball she has missed, and grins again. and I realize. she is having fun. I doesn't matter to her that she is in back, or the slowest one. She's playing soccer!

The three coaches decide to divide the kids up to play a game. The two best kids on the team are chosen as temporary captains and told to pick their teams, each to choose three other kids. I bite my lip. What will she do if neither of them want her on their team?

One of the kids yells, right off, "Kaia and Chance on my team! oh, and Devon."

I smile, and relax. Whew! Crisis averted! Kaia's reaction? "okay" and she skips around the kid, then away from him, skipping for skipping's sake, and without a doubt that she was wanted.

After class, once again, I ask her. "did you have fun? Do you like playing still?"

"Yes yes yes!! I love it!"

Family of Four

lately I've felt so internalized. It's hard for me to be polite to strangers, when before it was natural. I'm not saying I'm rude, just not as smiley and happy as before. It's hard for me to want to talk to anyone not family or a close friend.

I hate waiting. I hate not being able to do anything. I hate not being told everything is okay, and instead being told that there is a 50% chance everything will be okay.

I saw my baby move. Saw the little legs kicking and the arms swinging around. When picture time came, the baby rolled up into a little ball. nah nah nah can't see me!

How can that little life be so tenuous?

I am trying to stay positive. I am visualizing the placenta holding on to the uterine wall with all it's might, sending oxygen and life to the baby.

I close my eyes and picture myself with a big belly, in the heat of summer, barefoot, picking peas, the warmth of the sun on my head, the grit of the sidewalk beneath my toes.

I picture myself with a tiny new one, cuddled up in bed next winter, feeling the little body rise and fall with breath. I picture the tiny fingers, curled around mine. I picture Kaia with her hand on the new one's back, gently stroking the soft skin, and I picture us smiling at each other.

This will happen. My baby is strong. I am strong.

A Perfect Saturday

Hello All!

Yesterday was wonderful! I felt great all day. Well, in the later evening I was tired, but the rest of the day was awesome.

In the morning Kaia and I met with Dana at Denny's for breakfast. Kaia wasn't the most well behaved, but it was a good time anyway. I really miss bacon! Since being pregnant it just doesn't taste good at all.

Then we came home and cleaned. I told Kaia that if she got her room clean, then after all the kids came over and trashed it, I'd help her clean it up. (not to say she wouldn't have her role in the trashing!!) Dana planned on coming back around 3:30 with Kayla and Adam, and Andrea said she was thinking of coming by with Liam and Katia.

Surprisingly, Kaia cleaned her entire room without being bugged about it once. I got a lot done too, even got the sheets on both beds changed and cleaned. Still full of energy, I got my tomato plants transplanted into their 2nd (of 3) homes, and then got all the stuff ready for starting some more seeds. While doing all that, Andrea and her kids showed up, then not long after Dana and her two.

The kids actually spent most of that time outside, which kept the house pretty clean. Later, after Andrea left, Dana and I came inside, but the mess still was kept to a minimum. I'm so glad Andrea and Dana met. It was so nice to have women friends hanging about, and all our kids running around...I felt so adult! ;-) and very content......

I started the seeds that are supposed to be started about 4 weeks before last estimated frost, which is sometime in April in this zone. Included were more tomatoes, a couple different basils, eggplant, lemon balm, and a few others. I'm so excited that garden season is starting! My first two tomatoes are in pots by my bedroom window, keep your fingers crossed they thrive! In a couple weeks, I'll be starting another batch of seeds.

Andrea's working hard on her garden too....much harder than I am! She and John have plotted out a large flat area on their property, the perfect spot I think--plenty of light. The grass there had been claiming that spot for a long, long time, so they had to rent a sod cutter, which broke twice. They've been busting ass getting the sod out, and the garden is going to be wonderful. I'm jealous they have so much space, but not jealous of the work they're doing! I can't wait to see it in summer, with all the vegetables and fruit bursting out of the ground.

Today I am not feeling so great. Very tired, and slightly nauseous, though not as much as before. I need to go grocery shopping, but really not enthused about being around all that food.....we really need it though. (cleaned out the fridge yesterday too! wow...that needed to be done!)

Kaia starts soccer tomorrow, and a new swimming session on Tuesday. I hope she likes soccer as much as she thinks she will. A year ago, she tried basketball, and she hated it. She's been begging me about soccer for years and I hope her dreams are fulfilled. In swimming, Katia will be in her class, and she can't wait to start. I hope they listen to the teacher occasionally....

I finally got our taxes done. The money we get back will be saved for when I'm not working. Mike and I discussed it, and we should have enough for the 3 months I'm at home before we move. Now the only worry is if he doesn't get a job.....but I'm not really that worried about that bit....he's an awesome developer.

I have given up on giving up coffee. I feel better when I drink it, and one cup of coffee a day is harmless, in my opinion. I'm working on eating well other than that, and I feel I'm succeeding for the most part. Last night for dinner we had salmon, acorn squash, broccoli and cauliflower. Quite tasty, and very healthy. Kai wasn't pleased about the squash, but I actually liked it. good thing....I have some acorn seeds that I'm excited about starting this fall.

ooo! Andrea just signed in....gonna say hi...


that's enough for now....have a wonderful week!

Gotta respect the honesty....

I'm still laughing.....

in the middle of a disagreement, my husband just spoke these words...and he was totally serious......


"I'm not going to argue logically with you right now"

cracks me up. which he didn't appreciate of course!

WARNING: mucho bitching ahead....proceed at your own risk (or feel free to just skip it)

so I feel like bitching, and I do that way too much, but this is MY blog, and I can cry if I want to! But you don't have to read it if you don't want to. That's FREEDOM, people.

so...on with the bitch fest.

I am so damn tired of being poor. and yes yes YES, I know I am richer than most of the world ( I am, I did this online survey thing, apparently I make more than 97% of of the world's population) being AWARE that I am lucky...moving on with the whine...

I just got my hospital bills from a month or so ago. Though my insurance paid most of it (total bill OVER $6000!!!) I still owe almost $1300 to the hospital. Minimum payment is $126 a month. Since I am already almost a month behind as it is, from missing so much work, I fail to see where that $126 is coming from.

I also would like (though it's not a need) some shoes to wear while pregnant. I have some for this summer, but the ones I have while it's still cold aren't that great. But do I have $30 extra?! nope.

I can't wait to be able to, without hesitation, say "Yes!" when someone asks if we want to go out to dinner.

I can't wait to be able to get my eyebrows waxed every two weeks and not worry about the cost.

I can't wait to be able to order a sandwich delivered for lunch at work without feeling guilty about the money spent.

I can't wait to be able to buy something I see that I know a friend would like, just because I want to give them something.

I can't wait to be able to take my mother out to dinner. and only look at the total so that I can figure out tip.

I can't wait to be able to go grocery shopping whenever I need to, without having to wait for payday.

I can't wait until every pay check isn't spent the second we get it, on bills.

I can't wait to have money left over each month.

okay okay. I'm boring even myself. signing off.

Thursday....

only about 3 and a half more weeks to go of this dratted first trimester. I was feeling SO much better, but last night had to cancel plans to go make sushi at Andrea's because I was gagging every five minutes. Didn't actually throw up, but felt nasty. Feeling nasty this morning too, the first time I've felt nasty in the morning in a while.

I need to get my tomato plants transplanted into their second temporary home! Andrea brought me some pots, and I have the dirt...just need to get it done. Also, there are more seeds I need to start too. Need to do taxes too....and look up plane ticket prices for my sisters wedding, which I realized I hadn't really thought of practical ways to pay for...it'll happen though. It always works out.

I feel like I am neglecting my family. I'm not as worried about Mike, he's an adult, and can handle it, which he is admirably. Kaia, however, I feel bad about. I feel the worst in the evening, and usually have to just take a bath and head to bed. Last night I only got a few minutes with her before she went to eat dinner and I fell asleep. She seems to be doing fine....still cheerful and excited about the baby....maybe she'll enjoy helping me transplant the tomatoes.

Time seems to be flying by while at the same time creeping along. Katie's wedding is right around the corner, as is Mike's birthday. But this damn first trimester is taking forever!! I'm really glad it'll be over by Katie's wedding day. That's something I want to be able to wholeheartedly enjoy. Speaking of which, need to call the alteration place.....

.......
.......

okay, have an appointment today at 4 to get the top of the dress taken in. The skirt still fits fine, even a bit loosely.


okay, time to get to work...

bring on the energy!

Feeling SO much better today! The oatmeal Mike has been making in the mornings before I get up has really been helping I think.

working on cleaning up the store.....a task long overdue....

laziness, oatmeal, horses, and good times.

Had a wonderful weekend! Mike brought me oatmeal in bed both mornings (and today!) which really helped with the nausea for the first part of the day. On both days the afternoons were a bit worse, but not horrible.

Saturday I didn't get my to-do list done. Got some laundry washed, but none put away.

On Sunday, we went out to Andrea and John's. Andrea and I drove to Lewiston to get feed and baby turkeys, then Mike went riding! He had a really good time, it was the first time he's ridden since he was a kid.

We had yummy grilled salmon and corn on the cob for dinner. They have this tasty dressing called Goddess dressing that I need to get some of!

I love hanging out at Andrea's. I love the ease with with we all move about the property, just being friends, not doing anything in particular they wouldn't be doing anyway. I love seeing my daughter running around, getting absolutely filthy, and having a blast, outside for hours. I love how Andrea and Mike can go have fun together, and John and I get along so well too. I love having old friends. Friends I'll have for life.

Little Ballerina

Kaia's recital was actually a few weeks ago, but have just remembered to post some pictures of it...she had a lot of fun. She didn't have the same costume as the other girls in her group, since she joined after ordering time, but she handled that amazingly well, even though the costumes were something she would have loved to have, she didn't utter even one complaint.
Before the recital, I caught her her doin' some moves, purely "Kaia-style".

The group danced to "Tarzan" and looked adorable as usual. Mike wasn't happy at the beginning when he saw Kaia's group was number 27 out of 35, but after the first group of little girls trotted on stage, he started laughing, and began to enjoy the show.

Advice to doctors who want to remove warts from the foot of a five year old

Don't tell the child, from the get go, "it's going to hurt! I'll be right back with the liquid nitrogen!"

Don't say, after trying to freeze it off, and the child is still crying, "it can't STILL hurt!"

Don't offer the child a choice, "do you want to get rid of it, or keep it?"
it doesn't hurt, why does she care if she keeps it, when the alternative is pain?

Don't tell the child "anything we do to try to get rid of it will hurt"

Don't KEEP SAYING "it can't possibly still be hurting!" while the child is saying "oww...it's stinging really bad" and crying.

lollipops might work really well as bribes. better than saying "you have to get rid of it somehow, might as well be this way, since all the remedies hurt" MUCH BETTER, I would think, though since you didn't try it, I don't know for SURE.

yes yes, time for an update. the problem is there is not much new....

let's start with this past weekend though. Kaia and I spent it at Dana's, and had a blast. I got two scrapbook pages done, and two different types of mini scrapbooks that I will be using as gifts for relatives. Spending the weekend there definitely helped me keep my mind of feeling nasty.

however.

I still feel nasty. nasty nasty nasty. I am only hoping it will end at the usual time this sort of thing does--at the end of the first trimester. I am praying to the gods of...ummm...what sort of gods? the puke gods would MAKE you throw up, wouldn't they? the anti-puke gods? seems unlikely they exist...oh well...

I am also getting more and more tired. I just want to SLEEP damn it SLEEP. I wish I could leave work early and go SLEEP. But last month I missed a lot of work for hospital reasons and I have unpaid bills to show for it. Missing more work will not help with the catching up, though how I'm supposed to catch up when I am needed the current money for THIS months bills I don't know...

sigh. and I am getting bitchier by the minute, I swear. must stop whining!!!


(Andrea? Shane? aren't you so thrilled you asked me to blog again? was it everything you hoped? no? hhmmm...I'll try again later, I promise.)