Wednesday, December 19, 2007


I am out of sorts tonight. No real reason why, just feeling grumpy.

I adapt well to new situations. When moving up here the only regret I had was leaving my family and friends. My only regret leaving here is leaving Andrea and her family. I love the planning that goes into a move, the unpacking of my things, the dream that this time I will put everything in it's place and it will stay there. The finding of the nearby grocery stores, the search for the perfect doctor, dentist, chiropractor. The idea that I may meet new friends, find new adventures.
The down side to this? I begin to distance myself from THIS place too early. I stop caring if things have a place, because they won't even be here soon. I stop worrying how I look when I go out, because these people will never see me again! It's hard to clean my house, because in my mind, it's quickly becoming not-my-house. MY house is on the other side of the state, eagerly awaiting my arrival! It's even hard to eat the food here....this isn't real food, the REAL food over there, paused in it's existence until I appear to purchase and consume it. I forget to make sure Kaia has her Blue Folder for school, or does her homework (which I was actually getting very good at remembering to have her do), because this isn't her REAL school....her teacher and her new friends are only three weeks away from meeting their newest classmate!
It's hard to even buy food or anything else. I was in the store today, and I had to make myself buy yogurt and lunch meat. I passed a rack of something or other that normally I would have had to steel myself to pass by without grabbing things....and I could only think of the clutter it would add to my new home. I need pants, I have been living in pajama pants, only putting one one of the two pairs of jeans I own if I am leaving the house--but when I walked into the clothing section yesterday, I couldn't stand the sheer AMOUNT OF CLOTH, and had to go about my business of finding the Christmas gifts I had come for. I got mad at myself when this morning I realized both my pairs of jeans were dirty and I had to find the least dirty pair to wear, but won't go buy any until after I move. 'Cause in my strangely warped mind, the jeans over THERE must be better than the ones here, HERE where I don't actually live anymore, so can't buy anything right?
The only thing I haven't pulled back from is Andrea and her family. I want to spend as much time as possible (and due to weather and the price of gas, isn't close to as much as I'd like) before we leave. The last three years are the longest duration of time we've lived this close to each other in our whole 22 year friendship.
Now that I think about it, that may be another reason I have emotionally left this area already. I hate long drawn out goodbyes, so getting all but that one over with as soon as possible. And saying goodbye to Andrea, John, Katia and Liam will not be fun. There will be tears, at least on my part, and Kaia's......and the one thing I hate more than long drawn out goodbyes are tear filled ones.
That was enough of a ramble to last awhile, now, wasn't it?

1 comment:

Carol Chen Lord said...

Good that you only have three weeks left. I can feel you really are done with that place. I feel it's not just a place to you, it's a stage of life that you can't wait to say good-bye. Or, a new life you can't wait to start. I am actually happy to read your grump :-)) What a nice chance to grump! Grump some more, you have earned it. Ha.
Hey, why don't you do some "mess tolerating" things, like having parties, sleep overs, making the whole living room a camp? Ok, bad idea.
How about setting up the living room for a final "garage sale"? This way you could start sorting through things and leave everything you don't want behind? Well, you probably thought about this already.
Now you could see the place for what it is without any agenda. Will you one day miss this little down like Micheal does now? He couldn't wait to get out of there once too.
Anyway, I am so happy you are moving over. I told ML about your new neighborhood when we drove by once. He is excited that you guys will be so close.