Papa Bill

Last Saturday, my father-in-law passed away. He's had cancer, which I've mentioned a couple of times. About a week ago, he was told the chemo was no longer working, and he had two months. Mike talked to him on the phone a few times, and they said what needed to be said. The I love you's, and the I'm proud of you's. (this is how I want to go. I want time to get things all wrapped up, finished)

We got a call from his daughter, Ariel, Saturday night at about 8:30. Ariel turned 15 yesterday. I cannot imagine what this is like for her and her mom.

Mike has FIVE finals this week. I feel so bad for him, and I wish I could take some of his pain. He's trying to hard to concentrate on studying. I wish he could just skip the finals.

Last night we told Kaia. I had wanted to wait, because my parents were visiting and I didn't want to ruin her time with them.

She understands death. She knows what it means, at least for those of us still here. Even though Mike and I aren't sure what we believe, we told her her Papa Bill was in Heaven. She cried for a long time, then started going back and forth from crying and distracting herself by doing other things. Later that night, she told me she wanted to cry, but had no tears, and that upset her.

As we lay in bed, trying to go to sleep, she brought up the idea we had talked about before of how Her grandpa was in her heart, and always would be. I told her she could still talk to him, up in Heaven, anytime she wanted to.

She turned over on her back, and placed both her hands over her heart.

"Papa Bill." She said. "I will always love you. FOREVER."