running a slight bit late...but what's new?

We are almost off! Plans for the next couple days:

1. Make cookie dough to take to Andrea's.
2. Pack for Andrea's.
3. Go to Andrea's where we will:
4. Help make beer.
5. Possibly ride horses.
6. Eat yummy food.
7. Drink.
8. Hopefully stay away until midnight!
9. Yell joyfully about some random occasion....oh yeah! the new year!
10. Go to bed WAY too late.
11. Wake up WAY too early.
12. Drink coffee...lots of coffee.
13. German pancakes anyone?
14. Hang out doing whatever.
15. If I am lucky, take a nap at some point.
16. Enjoy the peaceful wonder of being with friends we love.(this is a step that can and will be done in concurrence with the above steps)

Little Scholar Girl

Will post some pics from our vacation (though I took a pathetic amount) later. Here's Kaia tonight, trying on her daddy's hat and glasses.

Had a good day today, was a bit grumpy this morning, but felt better after some food.

Looking forward to a relaxing, drunken new year's eve!

a little more than planned...

No time! No time to even think of a good post topic, let alone write it.

That may be an excuse. I'm just not feeling it lately...that urge to write, that idea of something interesting. Don't give up on me though! I'm not going anywhere. Just.....resting. Just letting things settle a bit.

Planning to sign Kaia up for some stuff. Ballet again, in January, through her preschool. It's less expensive that way, and easier for me! All I have to do is go to the recital at the end. Then swimming continues, every Tuesday and Thursday until March. And the really exciting thing about that is that Andrea is signing up Katia and Liam at the same times! So we can sit and visit while watching our kids have fun while learning important stuff! Doesn't get any better than that....Then in March, soccer at her school starts. That will take up time with games and such, but she's been talking for months about wanting to do soccer, and her attention span isn't usually that long!

Another thing she's been asking about is flying alone. She saw some kids on the airplane, and asked where their parents were. When we explained about flying alone, she asked when she could. She's been flying with us kinda often her whole life, 2-3 times a year, so I think she could do it. Talked to mom about it, since that's where she wants to go, of course. Mom thought it was a pretty good idea for a weekend trip. I think Kaia'd love it, and feel so grown up!

I downloaded iTunes, for the someday I own an iPod. I'll be ready! One thing that was really cool was that it imported all my little videos from my camera, so I'll have all those to take around with me too! I have almost 500 songs so far, though I need to go through them and edit. I know, I know, you probably feel that is so few songs. Harbor no worries! I'll get more!

Alright. gotta go see what my daughter is doing while supposedly brushing her teeth. 'night, all.

garden goal

1. figure out garden plan.
2. order seeds.
3. fill out google calendar for gardening.
4. follow through!

to be the followee, instead of the follower

Will do a larger post later about my vacation, but wanted to pass on this tidbit.....

We are in the car, and my uncle Dan asks me what religion my daughter Kaia is. She's five, so I answer that she's not old enough to decide what religion she is, or if she even wants one. After a second or so of silence, my daughter says....

" I do so know what I want to be!"

"oh yes? what?" I say.

"THE QUEEN"

oh! wait...what was I doing again?

gonna try to make this not such a downer post, because I don't really feel depressed, exactly. I'm kinda getting over being sick, was awful yesterday, slept all day, when I wasn't coughing. Today, I girded my loins (hee hee, I just love that phrase) and we went to the mall, to brave the crowds for chocolate, and FORGOT to get chocolate for ME. sheesh....that's what being sick will do! Makes you forget the basics.
It doesn't really feel like Christmas to me this year. Feeling a bit off kilter, out of whack, and just floopered. yes, I just now made that word up.
Anyway, I just keep feeling like I'm supposed to be doing something...but I can't think of what, and it seems important. It's worrisome. anyone out there know what it is? have I forgotten to do something? it feels so necessary...and imminent...
Christmas should be fun, though. Christmas Eve we are going to my sister's, for ham and roast beef. Then we are spending the night at my parent's, for Christmas morning pancakes and bacon. Kaia will eat sausage, of course, with syrup. That afternoon we will head back to Mike's parent's house for another meal, and spend our last night there.
It has been a nice vacation, but this fog I am in has got to go. I wish I could feel that I was getting everything done......but this feeling that I am not is persistent.

Merry Christmas, All, and please, if you know what I am forgetting, let me know! :-)

umm...hello? is this thing on?

hello

been a few days, yes.

the memorial went well, everyone cried, and laughed, and remembered Bill.

Had a good visit with Mike's brother and his family, they went back on Monday.

Have been staying at Mike's parents house, but sleeping tonight at my parents house.

have a head cold, bad sore throat, cough.

Kaia is enjoying seeing everyone.

Celebrated Tania's birthday at the ceramics place, painted a planter, Kaia pianted a horse and a tile, very cool.

there, that was exciting wasn't it? I'm a bit tired, and foggy-brained.

more later, though!

:-)

procrastinating........

I have been known to submerge my stress, my worry, my sadness. In fact, I was told that was one of the contributors to my sickness, my habit of burying stress inside me. It is hard for me to admit to being actually upset, though I will bitch about stuff for long minutes at a time. But if I am actually worried? really, really worried? You probably won't know. Hell, I probably won't know. But I have incontrovertible proof I am upset about going to Bill's memorial.

I am not packing.

yes, this seems odd. what, you might ask, about packing-or the lack thereof-proves such a thing?

Some of my close acquaintances are aware of my love of packing before a trip. I have everything laid out, and ready to go. laundry is done, and toiletries are in bags on the bathroom counter, waiting for their final use before travel.

I am not saying a pack WELL. In fact, I am hopeless at packing the correct number and style of clothes for myself or my daughter. Mike's packing is hard to mess up. jeans, jeans, jeans, maybe some slacks, some t-shirts, some button up shirts, boxers, socks, undershirts, voila!

However, I LOVE the anticipation of packing for a trip. I will do it as soon as I can justify it. when I have more space for clothes, that could be weeks ahead of the actual trip.

and I can't do it. We leave Friday, are thinking about not being here tomorrow night, and I work tomorrow. and it's getting later.

I've managed to force myself to do laundry, and it's mostly done. but the thought of putting it into suitcases, and thinking of everything I need to bring, and sorting toothpaste and brushes and such....it's exhausting. I feel like laying down and just sleeping for days.

Which is how I deal with stress when it won't let itself be pushed down. I sleep. If I am in a serious fight with someone, I get so tired I can barely breathe. This is quite so bad, but I can feel the weight of it.

I didn't think I was this affected. Yes, I'm sad about it. Bill was an amazing guy, so full of life, and such a GOOD man. But I know Mike and Kaia feel it much more than I do.

It's so strange to me, to think of someone simply not being here on earth any more. To not EVER be able to talk to them again in this life. It's so final (yes, I know that's obvious. it still seems unreal)

Saturday will be hard. I will be there for my husband, for my daughter. coffee...coffee will be drunk in large amounts.

and we are there for 11 days. more than usual, so I am hoping to get some good, real time with all of those people there I love so much. Life is so uncertain, but I know that the people I spend time with while down there, the people I choose to have in my life, are with me to the end. both the ones in my family, and the ones I consider family, though not related by blood. i don't always remember to call them often, but I think of all of them, all of you, so much, every day. I have been SO LUCKY in the people I have found, and the people I was born to. I need to make more of an effort to show them that I know that.

alright, enough rambling for tonight. there are suitcases to be filled ...... yawn.....

Daily Glimpse #23

Here is Kaia at her Holiday Concert. It was wonderful, cute, and blissfully short. She, of course, is the one on the far right. She is wearing a dress from her Mema, Papa Bill and Auntie Ariel.
After the songs, we had cookies and punch. Then we went home and opened some of our presents, since we can't take them all with us, and get back after Christmas! Got some good stuff! Mike's fave was his mixer, mine was an amber necklace, and Kaia's was her stable, and the horses she got to use with it.

Little Miss Snotty

MY DAUGHTER...my daughter!
will post later about her concert, which was very cute.

BUT.

Just now, she was playing with her new stable and horses, and for the second time, I told her to go get ready for bed. She actually SAYS TO ME

"I'm doing something! What's YOUR excuse?"

Oh yeah, that got some corner time.

Papa Bill

Last Saturday, my father-in-law passed away. He's had cancer, which I've mentioned a couple of times. About a week ago, he was told the chemo was no longer working, and he had two months. Mike talked to him on the phone a few times, and they said what needed to be said. The I love you's, and the I'm proud of you's. (this is how I want to go. I want time to get things all wrapped up, finished)

We got a call from his daughter, Ariel, Saturday night at about 8:30. Ariel turned 15 yesterday. I cannot imagine what this is like for her and her mom.

Mike has FIVE finals this week. I feel so bad for him, and I wish I could take some of his pain. He's trying to hard to concentrate on studying. I wish he could just skip the finals.

Last night we told Kaia. I had wanted to wait, because my parents were visiting and I didn't want to ruin her time with them.

She understands death. She knows what it means, at least for those of us still here. Even though Mike and I aren't sure what we believe, we told her her Papa Bill was in Heaven. She cried for a long time, then started going back and forth from crying and distracting herself by doing other things. Later that night, she told me she wanted to cry, but had no tears, and that upset her.

As we lay in bed, trying to go to sleep, she brought up the idea we had talked about before of how Her grandpa was in her heart, and always would be. I told her she could still talk to him, up in Heaven, anytime she wanted to.

She turned over on her back, and placed both her hands over her heart.

"Papa Bill." She said. "I will always love you. FOREVER."

Daily Glimpse #22

Hello All! We put up our "tree" today! Right now we only have room for a tiny one, but I'm loving the pre-strung-ness of the fake one we have. SOOO much easier. I also didn't hang all the ornaments we have, just the special ones. The reason mom is crowding in front of me is that she's a camera hog.

Just kidding. I am wearing a tank top that is less than modest in the....chest area, and she is helping me retain a bit of my feminine mystery...that which is left, at least! ;-)

Kaia had fun, but she had more fun decorating the gingerbread house.....well, eating the candy, at least. I decided next year I want to get TWO houses, one for me to decorate exclusively, so I can be as picky as I want.

Having a wonderful visit, though today I was unusually tired. I got to take a short nap (thanks mom!) and drank more coffee than usual. We went to our usual place for breakfast. Mike picked out some shoes, and I bought my sister's Christmas present. (hee hee) After my nap, we went grocery shopping, and when we got back, my dad was here! He and Kaia are discussing important issues, and my mother is doing dishes. I am SO spoiled when she is here! and I am weak, I just let her do it... I did make dinner tonight! tacos! yum!

Daily Glimpse #21

Well, it's been a loooong day on this first day of Mom's vacation here...mom and I spent the day shopping (you should see my bracelet!!) and then we picked up Kaia and went out for dinner. We've been looking at pictures and videos, and just got some wine! Good times, good times....

There's a lot we are wanting to get done, so have full days ahead. More to come!!

21

1. Flip to page 18, paragraph 4 - in the book closest to you right now, what does it say?
“The tightness in my shoulders came up my neck and spilled out my mouth. ‘Listen you little pip-squeak. I am coming down there. I am not letting your paranoia hurt Richard.’”

2. If you stretch out your left arm as far as possible, what are you touching?
The table by the couch.

3. What’s the last program you watched on TV?
Can it be a recorded one? Don’t watch TV…the recorded one was Avatar: The Last Airbender

4. Without looking, guess what time it is.
9:10pm….was almost right! It’s 9:06

5. Aside from the computer, what can you hear right now?
The hum of my fridge and a slight case of tinnitus.

6. When was the last time you were outside and what did you do?
walking to my door from the car after picking up Kaia from preschool

7. What are you wearing?
lavender pajama pants with little flowers on them and a white tank top.

8. Did you dream last night? If you did, what about?
The last dream I had before waking up was about finding spiderwebs in my closet. They spread across my room and the spider was hiding behind my dresser.

9. When was the last time you laughed?
While Kaia was reading to us.

10. What’s on the walls in the room you’re in right now?
oh my…um….three family photos, three drawings by my great grandmother, two fingerpaintings by my daughter and I, and an advent calendar.

11. Have you seen anything strange lately?
Nothing that comes readily to mind.

12. What do you think about this meme?
passes the time.

13. What’s the last film you saw?
in the theatre? or at all? In the theatre, Stranger Than Fiction (excellent by the way). At all, Serenity, for the second time (also, very excellent, though you should watch Firefly, the shows that come before it).

14. If you became a multimillionaire, what would you do with the money?
pay off all my bills. invest a shit-ton of it. give friends and family a nice share. pick a few charities and give a bunch…..
then, I’d build my dream house, buy a new car, and plant a garden. in the house would be a dark room, and a huge studio with room for painting, pottery and stained glass.
I’d buy a monster truck and learn to drive it.
Travel around the world.

15. Tell us something about yourself that most people don’t know.
That most people don’t know? hmmm…that’s tough, I’m pretty babble-y about me….let’s see….here’s one—I will only eat grape jelly on peanut butter sandwiches, and on toast only strawberry or raspberry.

16. If you could change ONE THING in this world, without regarding politics or bad guilt, what would it be?
That no child would go without a parents love.

17. Do you like dancing?
LOVE IT. LOVE IT. notice the question wasn’t CAN you dance….

18. George Bush?
No thanks, I shave.

19. What do you want your children’s names to be, girl/boy?
already have one girl with a perfect name…Kaia. Have the middle names maybe picked out if we have another girl- Willamina Lyle. Lyle will be one of the middle names if we have a boy, too. No idea on first names for either. Really into Malcolm right now for a boy though. (From Serenity and Firefly!)

20. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Don’t think so. Our families are here, and they are too important to us to be that far away.

21. What do you want God to tell you, when you come to heaven?
Welcome, Della! Everyone who arrived before you is waiting to see you! First, here is your complimentary wine and chocolate!

Daily Glimpse #20

Kaia has been asking for a few days if she can do a face mask. We had time tonight, and so I sat her on the bathroom counter and rubbed clay all over her face. She enjoyed watching it dry into a light color, and liked making faces at herself and others, but when it came time to take if off, she didn't like how warm the washcloth had to be to get the mask off.

Daily Glimpse #19

Here's one of the pictures from sledding at Andrea's last Sunday! Was a ton of fun, but I'd forgotten how tiring walking up hills in snow is!

Is it only me that feels time just swooshing by?! Sometimes I feel like yelling at the carnie in charge to STOP THE RIDE! Not morbidly, of course....re-reading that sounded a bit drastic. I just want to enjoy my days, and I am feeling like they are speeding by too quickly to do so.

My parents are coming this weekend. My mom is flying in tomorrow morning, then my dad is driving up on Saturday. They are both driving back on Monday. Too short!! It will be wonderful to have the time with them.

It's snowy here, but melting. The last few nights have been icy, since it's thawed a bit during the day. I really dislike winter, though sledding was a ton of fun.

Gonna have a few picture posts, since I couldn't upload pictures for a few days!

sleddin' and eatin' and stuff

what happened to my spell check, and ability to post pictures?!!? BLOGGER!! HEY YOU! give my icons back!!!

anyway, would post a picture, but can't.

We went up to Andrea and John's yesterday to go sledding. I bundled up, then halfway through took off both scarves, and would have taken off a layer if I could have, trudging up hills in snow is hard work!!

Had a lot of fun, I love sledding!

Funny thing about kids....

Kaia loves rides at fairs, will ride almost anything you let her. But it takes a long time for her to get confident enough to sled by herself, and doesn't like to go very fast, or far.
Liam will fling himself down that sled run like there's no tomorrow, giggling hysterically the whole way. But it takes him a long time to get confident on amusement park rides, and he prefers the kiddie rides.
go figure.

after sledding, we had a yummy stew dinner, with cheesy biscuits. Andrea and I have been experiementing with spelt flour, since Mike can't have wheat. It's actually quite tasty, and healthier since it's whole grain. Most things don't rise as much, and bread can be a bit dry, but overall, we are very pleased with the results! Chocolate chip cookies are really yummy with spelt instead of wheat flour! The biscuits stayed kinda flat, but weren't tough or to dense.

Gotta go back to the dentist tomorrow, wish me luck and numbness!

My mom and dad are coming out this weekend! We're gonna put up the tree and make a gingerbread house.

Papa Bill

People of my age are not supposed to lose their parents yet. We are not that old. Our parents are not that old.

Mike's dad has been fighting cancer for almost a year now. At his last appointment, they told him the chemo isn't helping anymore. He has two more months.

TWO MORE MONTHS.