confession

Sometimes I crack myself up with how silly I am.....

made an egg and toast sandwich.
cut a slice of cheese to grate onto it. grated about 3/4 of it, put the rest on the counter.
looked at cheese while assembling sandwich.
came back later, realized I had purposely walked away from cheese in order for it to harden, thereby making it inedible, so I would have an excuse to throw it away and not eat it.

feeling down....but working up.

This was a bit of a tiring day. Ben didn't sleep very well last night, not even his normal 2 hour portions.

Kaia got out of school early - will all this week- because of parent-teacher conferences. So she came home and made the living room even more of a mess than it was....and yes, the rest of the mess was mine. Hard to bend down when your baby uses you as a bed ALL FREAKIN' DAY AND NIGHT.

Anyway, Kaia spent the time I was at the conference with John at work. She loves hanging out with him, they get along awesomely. Conference went well, Kaia's doing fine in all areas (no big surprise to me) One thing that was a bit surprising is her reading level. She is a MARVELOUS reader at home, and though she is in one of the higher levels, on the assessment she missed several words that I KNOW she has down pat. Ah well....not going to stress about it or anything, I just wish she'd apply what she knows.

Did a small grocery shopping afterwards, not much since I'll be getting more on my food stamp card in a few days. I made hamburger strogonoff for dinner, and Kaia loudly voiced her dislike of the mushrooms. She is currently trying to out-wait me in the how-much-dinner-must-be-consumed-to-get-dessert. Little does she know that I am about to take her bowl, heave it into the sink, and send her to bed. patience...I must....find...patience.....

I also have a headache, though that's going away since I took something for it.

Oh! another thing to bitch about....I had forgotten that Mike had a meeting tonight, so wouldn't be home for dinner tonight and I was really looking forward to spending some time with him, he's so busy with school right now.

okay, bitching done. I am thankful for my husband and my children. I am thankful Kaia is doing well in school. I am thankful we can be here for Mike to be able to go to school. I am thankful Ben is gaining weight so well.
I may be a bit grumpy, but I AM aware of how lucky I continue to be.....

Oh Honey.....

My husband cracks me up. In an IloveyoutodeathbutHELLO!! sort of way, occasionally.

case in point:

FRIDAY, (writing this on Sunday) Mike went to an event put on by the Electronic Music Association at the University. He is the president, so spent a lot of energy making sure it all went well....that's his only excuse...well, and that it ended at 2 am.

Wait! He has one more excuse...he RARELY drives anywhere...he walks to work, and school.

SO. He drives the car to the event. Gets home around 2:30-3 am. Comes to bed.

Saturday, we spent at home...

This evening, Kaia, Ben and I had a Halloween party to go to, so we got ready and headed out the door....

Two minutes later, I call Mike... "Honey, where is the car?"

"The car?" he answers.

"Yes, THE CAR. Where IS IT?!"

"Oh........... shit." He says. "I forgot it."

He had gotten a ride home.

A new endeavor...wish me luck

made a couple changes....mainly added a few more blogs to the Blogs I Love part...so check them out! Also cleaned up my categories a bit...though it probably doesn't show.

I'm going to sign up for NaBloPoMo....National Blog Posting Month...which is November. All I have to agree to do is post every day for November! Gonna be difficult, but for some reason sounds right. Will readdress some old goals, and possibly make some new ones.

Ben was restless last night..didn't sleep until around 1:30-ugh! We fed him his first bottle of formula mixed with breast milk in the late afternoon. He took right to the bottle, and didn't seem at all confused when I fed him again later. We will probably feed him by bottle once a day, just to make sure he stays okay with it. In a few days, we'll let Kaia feed him it! She pretty excited about that. Oh, and I don't think the formula was what made him restless...he slept well after drinking it, and he gets restless in the early part of the night often. Not enough to really call it colic, but enough to be a bit stressful for all involved. Got some gas pills by Hyland's, and they seem to work.

Was going to post a picture Kaia drew of our new four-member family, but Blogger still won't let me....

not really a eulogy.....

My grandmother has been very depressed since the death of my grandfather several years ago. We've just found out that she stopped eating a couple weeks ago, so her time is near.

When my grandfather died, I was really upset. He was the most marvelous man, and though I didn't see him often, I felt very close to him. He is the reason that I made sure to find a man with a sense of humor, knowing that it is one of the most important things in this world.

It's a bit different with my grandmother. I do love her, but she has never been the type of grandmother that inspires closeness, or hugs, or even talking more than politeness requires. That seems very harsh, and please know that I know she loves me, and would do anything for me if I needed her to. But her life growing up wasn't pleasant (she's Jewish and had to flee Hitler-run Germany as a child), and she was very cold in her day to day interactions with even her family. My feelings toward her weren't helped by my mother's stories of life growing up with her as a step-mother, and my own time with her didn't dispel the feeling of distance and reserve.

As an adult, I am always uncomfortable when visiting her, and haven't seen her in a couple of years.

So now that she is at the end of her life, my feelings are mixed. Yes, I will be sad. But I have very few soft and fuzzy memories of her. I know that all she wants is to be with her husband again, and I know she is very unhappy here on earth. I feel bad about not feeling more upset, but that can't be helped, and I'm not going to demean the feelings I DO have by pretending to be more sad than I am.

Gammer, my Gammer. Whatever there is after death, I know you will be there with my Gaffer, and that that is what you want. Give each other hugs from me.

I love you, and I hope you find your peace.

O! My Aching Mammaries!

hee hee. Sorry, too much information, I know, but MY GOD, does this boy EAT. and eat.....then he's hungry, and decides to eat.

How often, you ask? well, I am typing one-handed....and don't really remember what it's like to use two hands to write a post, which is why I haven't updated again, this takes forever.

no pictures...sorry...tried...

Hello!! I promise I will start trying to write a bit more regularly...but it's been a bit of a blur around here. So here is a catch up blog - with pictures! edited: sorry, blogger is having issues with pictures, will try to post them later....

First things first--

A HUGE THANK YOU to Kathy, Tania, and Andrea for their help these past two weeks. Kathy, playing with Kaia was awesome, and really helped her feel special and loved. Tania, you went above and beyond what was necessary, and I owe you big time for it. Andrea, knowing you are there to call helped me not go totally bonkers, and coming to help made all the difference. I am so lucky to have all of you women as friends, I couldn't ask for better friends. Thank you, from deep in my soul.

Ben is eating extremely well....at birth, he was in the 13th percentile for weight, he is now near the 50th, and weighs almost NINE POUNDS!! (up from 7 lbs, 9 oz. 8 days ago) He is starting to be awake a little more, but still sleeping for the most part. We are working on getting him used to sleeping in the co-sleeper at night, which for the most part is failing, but we have a successful night, or couple of hours, every once in a while. He is the biggest cuddle-bug and loves nothing more than to sleep on someone, belly down. (yes, I know, back is best, he doesn't sleep on his stomach on someone unless that someone is awake.)

Kaia is doing well, and was able to sing Ben to sleep in the car when he was upset, a feat she is very proud of. He knows his sister's voice, and it does calm him. Tania also noticed that when Mike sings, he becomes very peaceful and calm.

I am doing well, though still tired (of course). Tania told me she feels I am handling everything excellently, and who am I to argue? :-) I only hope I can keep on top of things after she leaves, as it is easy to handle everything when someone else is doing your dishes, and laundry, and is currently upstairs vacuuming and has threatened you if you try to help!!

I filled out a survey this morning, and for the first time, checked the "stay at home mom" part instead of the "work full time away from home mom" part. hee hee....can't help it, it made me giggle. I am loving not working! I do miss the interaction with people a bit though...but can do that in other ways, especially after we move and I can join mommy groups and such.

All right, that is enough droning on for now....how are alla YOU doing?!

Ben Update

So far Ben seems pretty even tempered. Granted, it's only been two weeks, and he's slept through most of it.....

But still! I choose to be the biased parent and say he's just a happy little boy! Even when he cried, such as today when I put him in his car seat to head to swimming, he only seems to remember he's upset for a few minutes, then he stops and apparently adjusts to the new situation and finds it acceptable. At the doctor today, he only fussed for about 30 seconds after his heel got poked again for a blood test (required, not a big deal). The lab guy said he is the most calm baby he's seen in a long time.

Speaking of Dr. appointments, Ben has gained mucho weight! (relatively!)

Breakdown:

Birth: 6 lbs, 14 ounces

4 days later: 6 lbs, 2 ounces (lost more than average, but not enough to really worry yet)

at his one week appt: 6 lbs, 13 ounces! (they like to see them back at birth weight by TWO weeks)

at his two week appt: Seven pounds nine ounces!!

he jumped from the 13th percentile in weight to the 18th! Way to go Boyo! He's still pretty skinny, since that's still low, and he's in the 50th percentile for height, so he's tall for his weight. But the Dr. was very pleased with his weight gain, and so am I! he does love to eat......and sleep....and poop. my gosh, he likes to poop.

he also likes to pee on his daddy. Although I change more diapers than Michael, I have yet to be peed on, but Mike has had the honor NUMEROUS times. Hee hee.

Kaia is still loving being a big sister...her only complaints center around not being able to do MORE with Ben!

Where does she get this stuff?

Kaia today on the way home from swimming, trying to convince me to wait a couple of years after we move to sign her up for lessons again:

"If I did it summer AFTER this one, then I'd swim out even before the teacher told me to! It'd be ROCK AND ROLL!"

"Rock and roll, huh?"

"Yep! It'd be ROCKIN'!"

nuttin' much

Feeling better. Trying to come up with a post, but can't. Apparently still a bit brain dead. Should probably sleep.

Just watched the first two episodes of season 2 of Heroes. God, I love that show.

What's even more fun than trying to take care of a new baby while recovering from a c-section and tubal ligation???

Doing it while sick, of course!

Let the good times roll.






A big thank you to my mom, who left today, for all the NUMEROUS things she did to help us out. I could NOT have done it without her, and that's the truth!