but the PINK variety are still allowed, don't worry

two decisions, come about from the last two posts.

one-during the times she would normally be in tap class, for the one months we paid for and can't get back, Kaia will be doing chores.

two-simply saying

"some rules are just there, we may not understand them, but we have to follow them, just like people have to follow our rules in our house, even if they don't understand them."

is sometimes the only answer.

oh, and on that note, I have established a new house rule. there are NO blue pig socks allowed in my house. please note, and remove any such offending socks from thy luggage. NO BLUE PIG SOCKS! I find them inappropriate.

What's next? Eye contact?

sigh. sometimes I just feel lost. lost about being a parent, about being an adult, about...being.

Today, I went to pick up Kaia from after school care. She goes there right after first grade, which ends at 3, and stays until I pick her up at around 5:15. It's at the same place she went to preschool, and care before and after kindergarten. She loves the teachers, and knows a LOT of the kids. She has always played "house" and "marriage" with whomever, male or female, her friends at the time are.

Her current best friend is Ashley, she of the "shared germs." She has previously told me about plans she and Ashley have to marry a boy in their school (he goes to kindergarten, so they see him on the bus and at after school care). I really haven't seen a problem with it, seems like normal behaviour to me, to pretend to be mommies and daddies and families. And, I admit, when she told me about kissing Ashley on the bus yesterday, I really didn't think anything of it. (must be the slut coming out in me?!)

Anyway. Today, when I picked her up, her name was highlighted on the sign-out sheet, which means "see the teacher". I dutifully waited while he spoke to another parents, then smiled when he turned to me.

"Okay, " he said. "Here's the situation."

uh oh, I thought. There's a situation!?

"I had to talk to Kaia and one other girl today." He says this as if I can't deduce from the one other highlighted name, Ashley's, who this other girl might be.

"There's been a problem with kissing between these two and a boy they ride the bus with." At this point, it occurs to me that I really should have talked with Kaia about no kissing yesterday.

"I've talked to the three of them before about what's appropriate behaviour and what isn't. They know that at school and here, kissing is not allowed." (makes sense when he says it. I nod vigorously.)

"But today, they got off the bus and were laughing and talking about kissing each other on the bus." uh oh....leave it to my daughter to try to get around the rules....sigh....

"I told them that this time, I would have to talk to their parents." I nod again, of course I will talk to her about this. Kissing at school OR on the bus-bad. got it.

"Kaia loves to play house quite a bit." He goes on. I nod again, slowly. I know this....they have a set up there specifically FOR this purpose...so I'm a bit lost as to where this is now going.

"They have been playing mom and daddy and baby." Again, I slowly nod. She's been playing house for all three years she's been going to this school.....

"They asked if it was okay to hold hands, since they can't kiss." I start to nod...holding hands as an alternative makes sense to me...no germs are passed, no diseases....very good altern-

"I told them that holding hands is not appropriate behaviour either." I continue to nod, out of habit, but wait! Holding hands is NOT an appropriate alternative? WHY THE HELL NOT!?! Now, I don't say this, I just nod and say I will talk to her about what's okay at school and what's not. Then I go and get Kaia, and a whole 'nother problem with fits and whining occurs, but that's another story.

Holding hands is not okay when you are 6 years old and playing house? Am I just morally loose? Well, I am, but I had thought I knew where my personal boundaries exceeded society's. Apparently I was wrong.

So later, I am trying to talk to Kaia about this. I do fine with the no kissing rule (sort of).

Kissing at her age, I tell her, is only for mommy and daddy. oh, and granny...grumpy...family...wait, and Andrea...and Tania and Kathy...so other adults that we know..wait...I mean...people who we consider family because we love them...but not ones at school, even if we love them...sigh....moving on...

Also, I tell her, her teacher has said no holding hands while playing house. What!?! She responds. WHY NOT!?!

umm.... I say....well.....umm....I'm not really....because that's the rule at school. I finish with lamely.

She looks up at me, a combination of confusion and disbelief and disgust.

But WHY? she repeats.

Because holding hands is touching, and touching is...I start....then stop....I don't WANT my daughter to feel that touching, and holding hands, and even, yes, kissing, is wrong. I want her to feel comfortable in her body, a body that likes to be touched and held and cuddled. Before you get up in arms, of COURSE I know there are appropriate ages and places for different sorts of touching.

But HOLDING HANDS?!? Why is this wrong? How do I explain to my daughter that something that she's been doing her whole life, something that I MAKE her do for safety quite OFTEN is apparently inappropriate behaviour? Especially when I don't agree?!

Sometimes, I'm just lost.

The good and the bad.

The good, first, shall we? that way I can be reminded that I LOVE my daughter.

when I picked her up from school---

"Mom, guess what? Ashley and I have the same germs now!"

"Oh really?"

"Yes, so even though we aren't family, it's okay! 'Cause she had a drink, juice, cranberry juice, and she took a drink, and didn't even wipe the top, and then I took a drink, AND we kissed on the bus on the way back, so now we have the same germs!"

She was so excited. It cracks me up sometimes, the things she comes up with.

and now, the reason that sometimes, only sometimes, I want to, almost, slap her.

For MONTHS she has been excited about tap class. She decided on her own that she wanted to do tap instead of ballet, or gymnastics, or anything else. We signed her up, bought tap shoes and the required shirt with the studio logo, and waited. She went to dance camp, where she had fun, and she was looking forward to September, when tap class started.

Then today. We go into class. She puts on her shoes. They line up. The teacher starts going over basic steps. Kaia lasts about 2 minutes, then comes over to me. "I don't want to do tap, it's boring."

WTF!?!?! She was mad in dance camp when they only did tap for part of the class. She's been putting her tap shoes on and "practicing" for WEEKS. and now it's BORING!?! $30 tuition for a month, $15 tap shoes, $5 shirt, for TWO FUCKING MINUTES OF CLASS. She flat out refused to finish even one lesson.

Now, I'm all for making her follow through. But there's only so much I can do without disrupting the class, which is extremely rude, and always pisses me off when other parents do it. So after about 5 minutes of whispered argument, we left. In the car, I assured her that she has used up her allotted money for fun classes for a good while. When we got home, Mike brought out the Daddy Voice and let her know in no uncertain terms that her behaviour is unacceptable, then sent her up to clean her room.

She has just come down to tell me she's finished. I plan on taking a bag up, and anything not done- "it's ALL done, mama! I PROMISE!"- will go in the bag, never to be seen again.

I want her to be able to do fun things. I want her to have opportunities and learn talents and have good childhood memories. I want to be able to let her choose fun things to go do. It's not that I am forcing her to sign up for these things! I am not one of those parents who makes their child take all sorts of classes.

now I am babbling. I'm done.

a good Monday...amazing!

Feeling much better today! I think that much of my irritation was caused from still being tired from all my activity on Saturday. Though there are still things I need to talk over with him, I am much more cheerful and loveful toward him today. He and Kaia are spending the day together since schools are closed. They went grocery shopping, and picked up a couple more bins for storage, so we can finish cleaning the dining room storage closet out.

Planning a more detailed blog about garnet hunting later!

bah

I am in a very irritable mood right now. Won't talk about it because I suppose it's not nice to talk about being annoyed with Mike publicly. But I am ANNOYED. just so you know.


and my "J" key seems a bit snarky.

Garnets?

We are going garnet hunting today! Kaia is very excited. I am too, but also a bit trepidatious. There's a 1/2 mile hike into the area, and then very little accommodations. There is an outhouse--if there were no bathroom, I wouldn't go. Hopefully it won't be too hot today, either.

I packed us a lunch, and plenty of water. I am bringing my camera, but not sure if I'll be clean enough to use it!

I'm being negative. I know I will end up enjoying myself, and it's nice spending time with Kaia, and Andrea's family. I hope we get some garnets, so the kids (and my mom!) aren't too disappointed!

Kaia explaining the owie on her hip

"well, the other day, I was skating, well, not skating, but holding onto a teacher's foot, and I forget his name, but I skeeted like this..."