Wednesday, October 29, 2008

How To Force Your Mother To Bathe You At A Time Other Than Planned

1. Refuse to eat any of the normal foods you like, causing your mother to resort to sharing her broccoli and cheese quiche with you, despite the fact that it's not even big enough for her.

2. Eat as much of the first bits she gives you as you can, encouraging her to give you more. This fills you up, and gives you ammunition at the same time.

3. Don't forget to drop several choice bits on the floor for a snack later.

4. Grab as much egg, broccoli, and cheese quiche in each hand as you can possible hold. Don't worry if some squishes out, this allows for more fun later on.

5. With each hand, grab a handful of hair. Slowly pull upwards, as if you are combing your hair with the egg mixture.

6. You may want to do this a few times, as there will be enough egg mixture stuck to your hands to last, and you don't want to waste any.

7. Remember the stuff that squished out? If you have been allowed to stay in your highchair instead of shrieked at and pulled out (as I am the second child, my mother's opinion is that if it's entertaining me, she's okay with it for a few more minutes), place your hands flat on top of the food. Briskly brush them from side to side, making sure to go off at least one table edge, allowing the food to cover your hands, then fall to the floor (see step 3) and your lap.

8. Step 7 is easier if you are able to drip your milk on the table first, making the food more slippery, and therefore more likely fall off the table rather than stick to the edge.

9. Enjoy your bath, and be sure to read "How To Avoid Getting Re-Dressed After An Impromptu Bath", coming soon!

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