the food of the Gods.....

my wonderful wonderful husband is out getting me chicken noodle soup. the first thing in weeks that has actually SOUNDED good, not just been forced down...though the potatoes last night and the jambalaya at Dana's also went down well.....

mmmmm....chicken noodle soup. I hope he hurries. damn, he just came back before leaving. he forgot his phone. hurry, man HURRY! chicken noodle soup! the double noodle stuff if possible, though I'm not sure if they make it anymore....

the Sweet Side of five years old.

I love my daughter. Today, as I sat in front of the toilet, hoping my cheese and crackers from a hour before stayed where they were, in my stomach, my daughter came into the room.

"are you all right, mom? what's wrong?"

I explained about pregnancy and nausea, and assured her I was fine. I rubbed my eyes.

"oh mom! don't do that! let me for you!" she said, then proceeded to poke and prod at my eyes lovingly.

"thank you dear, that's fine" I said. and tried hard not to rub them again myself.

There was a moment of silence. then-

"let me get you my stool, mom. here, sit on it"

she carried her bathroom step stool to the front of the toilet, then tried to lift me up onto it. I helped, and gave her a big hug.

"what a wonderfully helpful daughter you are. thanks, dear one"

"you're welcome, mom. I love you"

"oh, darlin' one, I love you too."

we have attachment!

Heart beat! I saw my baby's heart beat! it's only .81 cm long (the baby, not the heart). I can take baths again too, something that is exciting, though obviously not equal to the news my baby is growing...

new due date: October 13th.

sigh.....

I'm about to leave for an ultrasound. I'm not really worried, but it will be nice to see the little heart beat.

Lots going on in my family....my brother is going through a crisis sort of thing. And while he is mostly at fault, it is a situation that is cloudy. Also, I have no room for judgment, since I have been in a very similar situation. I just hope that the people involved will be able to work through it, and come out not too damaged. Please send them happy, healing vibes.

I'm constantly nauseous. Not enough to throw up yet, but the never ending nasty feeling is a bit tiring....not to mention I'm just tired anyway. and no bath yet!!

okay, that was enough bitching. Life is pretty good right now, on the right path and all that. Kaia's ballet recital is tonight, she's excited about that. I'm excited to see HER, but not looking forward to another 2 hours of OTHER peoples' kids dancing....luckily, I'll have Mike and Andrea there to keep me company!

not posting as much....just not enough to talk about, and feeling rather apathetic....it will pass, and I will be back!

no title

okay, okay. so I've been lazy and not posted. It's been a combination of being tired, and having my mom here that's caused it. We had a WONDERFUL visit. Went up to Andrea's on Saturday, and Kaia got to ride, something she always loves. Andrea seemed really happy, my mom said she's never seen Andrea so bright eyed and smiley!

Then we met Dana for dinner at a Mexican restaurant. We got to meet her youngest son, the one we hadn't met yet. I've met all her kids now, and they are all just wonderful. SMART kids, my gosh. T tried to sit on a pile of to-go boxes, I can see how tempting they would have looked to him! It was quite cute. Kaia still hasn't met her youngest, who turns 1 tomorrow! Happy Birthday, L!

Yesterday, we went SHOPPING. my gosh. we scored at Goodwill, then went on the wal-mart and shopko. got lots of fun baby stuff, and maternity stuff. I found a cool cart type thing that is meant to be a kitchen cart with wire baskets, but will be perfect for the baby dresser for the two months before we move.

Mom is convinced both Vanae and I will have boys...we will see.

My mom left this afternoon, rained like crazy on the way back! got home fine though. Kaia is eating some valentines treats before getting ready for bed. I swear, there are too many holidays with candy! I feel like she is always bringing home a bag from school...Halloween, Christmas, valentines, Easter! sheesh... I told her today that pop eats bones. she was duly awed. Seems evil, I know. I won't apologize!

This pregnancy seems to be swallowing my brain cells whole, and spitting them out drained of all life. just warning you.

oh! speaking of, it's going well! I have another ultrasound on Thursday, but I definitely FEEL pregnant, and the bleeding has stopped. now if I can just get permission to take a bath, I might get warm for the first time in days.....

hope ya'all have a good week!

looking up...they think

The hcg level is rising, but not as fast as is expected. However, it isn't rising as slowly as the Doctor has seen in pregnancies that don't work. So once again, we are waiting.....but he was positive, said it looked on the good side. I have to have another ultrasound next week, and if we can see a heartbeat it'll look even better.

I am staying positive, but it's hard not knowing. I really don't deal well with ambiguity. Tell me bad news, and I will deal with it. Tell me good news, and I will celebrate. But this "could be this, could be that" crap is annoying.

and yes, as Andrea pointed out, I would rather be in this state than know for sure it's a miscarriage.

So keep your fingers crossed. this baby is going to be a handful, I can tell! it's already enjoying giving it's mama mini-heart attacks! can't wait to meet it....and raising this kid should be an adventure!

Vaginal Rest

Had a scare today. Well, it's not really over, and possibly might not be for weeks. I started bleeding while at work. Not extremely heavily, but not just spotting. I went in to the ER, and they did another ultrasound. I have a picture of the gestational sac! Anyway, it's trying to implant, so the bleeding may just be from that. I have a 50% chance of having a miscarriage. Either it implants, or it doesn't.

I am staying positive, but am trying to do what I can to help it stay where it is. The doctor said nothing I do will make a difference, but I bleed less when I lay down. It seems like it would help if I don't add gravity to the mix, so I asked if I could have tomorrow off. I'm hoping that resting all day will encourage Baby to stay where she/he is.

Don't follow the light, Baby! Implant yourself! Snuggle in, make your small self comfortable...stay awhile....like, 9 months.

p.s. "on vaginal rest" is the actual order the doctor gave me. He also said "no fooling around down there, or inserting things." Aye Aye, sir.